How we take what we're given
by jannikajade
Summary: It's the summer before college, and Drake thinks he and Josh should spend it being young and irresponsible, but as usual things don't go as the boys plan. Can the rest of world make them face the things they're afraid of? DrakeJosh. Slash. Complete.
1. Senioritis

**Author's Note:** My first multi-chapter D&J. I'm a little nervous. This will probably be really long and rather angsty.

There will be appearances from: Craig&Eric, Mindy, Thorton, Megan, Crazy Steve, and probably more.

**Disclaimer:** As much as would love to own these boys, I don't know. I own nothing at all.

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It's been a lazy Sunday, the kind of day Josh has come to love. It's the kind of day when noon becomes midnight before he's really had a chance to get anything done. It's the kind of day that wasn't possible before Josh caved into senioritis, and Drake's constant pouting. It's still a little weird to not spend the day outlining chapters and proofreading essays, but Josh has to admit there's something appealing about just lounging around all day. There's something weirdly peaceful about watching his DVRed Oprah episodes while Drake finds cords on his guitar and jots down lyrics, humming to himself as he does.

The most exciting thing he's done all day is lost to Drake in 'Guitar Champion-' twelve times. Although, ducking the water-balloon-booby trap Megan had set up in their bathroom had been exciting too, in an irritating sort of way. That was a few hours ago and now it's approaching midnight and they're sitting on the couch, just talking. They're still wide-awake, and with all the candy and soda they're consuming, they may never get to sleep. Josh doesn't really mind, in fact sometimes it still amazes him. If you had told him, three years ago that he and Drake would be close enough to do this, to stay up all night talking and laughing and just being _this_ comfortable around each other, he probably would have turned eight shades of red and possibly even cried. He would have been a spazzy, dorky little mess. Which, would have set back the whole, 'be friends with Drake thing' he was so desperate for in those days. So he takes another gummy worm and starts another story, grinning at Drake the whole time.

"So then I told dad I was never going back to Computer Camp again!" Josh finishes, taking a sip of his drink- half Mountain Fizz, half root beer.

"Computer Camp?" Drake asks raising an eyebrow and popping a gummy worm into his mouth.

"I started this story like three minutes ago- that's all you got out of it?" Josh asks rolling his eyes.

"No I heard you, something about eye strain? Whatever." Drake says.

"I said nothing about-" Josh starts, but Drake cuts him off.

"But ok, dude seriously how many camps have you gone to?" Drake asks, taking a sip of his drink.

"What?" Josh asks, thrown by the question.

"Ok there was like, canoe camp, and bird camp and improve comedy camp and that camp with the scary counselors, and now computer camp? That's like a billion camps." Drake says.

"Actually that's five." Josh says, rolling his eyes.

"Oh whatever. You get my point." Drake says, arching an eyebrow.

"I went to camp every summer for like all of elementary school and junior high, I guess it adds up." Josh says.

"Why?" Drake asks, looking vaguely appalled and reaching for another gummy worm.

"Didn't you ever go to camp?" Josh asks, slightly annoyed.

"No." Drake says.

"Never?" Josh asks grabbing the bag of gummy worms out of Drake's hand.

"No. Never." Drake says, "Camp is like school, only in the summer. Gross."

"Camp is an enriching way for young people to spend their summers!" Josh shoots back.

"Yeah, young dorky people." Drake says.

"I will have you know there were some very cool people at canoe camp!" Josh snaps, throwing a gummy worm at Drake's head. Drake swerves his head and catches the worm in his mouth, grinning.

"Sure there were," He says, sucking the gummy worm into his mouth and making Josh's stomach jump a little, in what he'd like to think is disgust.

"There were!" Josh insists, and Drake laughs.

"Whatever dude." Drake says getting up off the couch for more soda, "so you really just like camps huh?"

"I guess." Josh says, finishing the last of his drink so they can refill, "plus I mean, in the summer my dad had to work, and I couldn't stay alone, after you know-" Josh trails off, and Drake nods slowly, and put a comforting hand on Josh's shoulder for just a minute before sitting back down on the couch.

"So you've never just like, spent the summer chilling?" Drake asks, pouring himself a half glass of Mountain Fizz.

"I guess not," Josh says shrugging and holding up his cup, "Is that what you did in the summers? When you were a kid? Chilled?"

"Yeah. Mostly. Chilled, taught myself to play guitar, started a band, wrote songs, dated girls." Drake says. "Ready?" he asks holding out his glass.

"Ready." Josh affirms, grinning as they mix their drinks, they clink their glasses in a toast, instinctively, and Josh's grin grows broader. "Isn't that what you do all year round?" he asks, taking a sip.

"Well yeah, but see, in the summer? No one yells at me for it, or tries to make me- do _work_," Drake says, shuddering.

"I like work." Josh says, grinning and eating another gummy worm.

"I know," Drake says, grimacing, "But you're getting better."

"Getting better?" Josh asks.

"Well yeah, now I can get you to send a whole Sunday sitting around with me, not running around all spazzy doing homework." Drake says.

"It's April of senior year. My classes are pretty much done. I have time to just sit around with you. Although I should probably be doing something useful." Josh says.

"But you're not" Drake says in a singsong tone, snatching a gummy worm.

"No. I'm not." Josh admits.

"That's cause I'm irresistible." Drake says, waggling an eyebrow suggestively.

"Oh yeah. That's it," Josh says, rolling his eyes.

"Besides anytime spent with me isn't wasted. It makes you cooler." Drake says, grinning.

"What? By osmosis?" Josh asks and Drake blinks at him scowls a little, "You have no idea what osmosis means do you?" Josh asks.

"No." Drake says, pouting.

"It means-" Josh starts, but Drake cuts him off.

"Yeah. Don't care." Drake says.

"Right. Wouldn't want you to learn something on a day off." Josh says, rolling his eyes.

"Exactly," Drake says, either missing or ignoring Josh's sarcasm. Josh sighs, "What?" Drake asks taking another sip.

"Nothing," Josh says affectionately, shaking his head. Drake smirks.

"Seriously dude, you should try it." He says.

"Try what? Coolness via osmosis?" Josh asks.

"No-" Drake starts, glaring at him, "I don't think so anyway. I meant spending a summer chilling."

"How am I going to do that?" Josh asks.

"You could do it this summer, no creative writing classes, no camps, you could just have fun. We could have fun!" Drake says, sitting up taller, eyes lighting up in excitement.

"What?" Josh asks.

"You and me, we should spend the summer just doing nothing. We can hang out, play video games, maybe take some road trips. Just us." Drake says, practically bouncing with excitement.

"But I have to-" Josh starts, and Drake cuts him off again.

"No you don't. Think about it Josh, you're leaving for college the fall, don't you want a summer to like... recharge?" He asks, grinning.

"Well ok yeah but I promised Mindy-" He begins, and Drake snorts, "What?" He asks, narrowing his eyes.

"_Mindy,_" Drake says, his tone hovering between amusement and disgust.

"She is my girlfriend! I have to spend time with her Drake. You know I really wish you wouldn't talk about her like that!" Josh says and he's winding up to yell, but Drake puts a hand on his mouth to shush him.

"Chill." He says, smirking slightly, "I know. _'Mindy is awesome'_" He says mockingly, "I know, and whatever, but why does that matter?" he asks.

"She wanted us to take classes together." Josh says, slightly mollified, although it's probably more from the tingle Drake's hand has left on Josh's mouth than from what Drake actually said. Which can't be at all healthy, but Josh is no mood to linger on that.

"Classes?" Drake says, sounding horrified, "why?"

"Fun classes!" Josh says.

"No such thing." Drake says rolling his eyes, "No seriously dude, we should spend the summer being young and irresponsible."

"That's how you spend everyday." Josh says.

"I know, but it's more fun if you do it with me." Drake says, pouting up at Josh, eyes huge under his hair.

"Drake-" Josh starts, feeling his resolve weaken already. Sometimes he's not sure why he even bothers to fight with Drake, he always loses in the end.

"Come on! You know you want to." Drake says.

"I have to work, I'm assistant manager!" Josh protests.

"When you're not a work, and you make the schedule now, you can take long weekends for road trips. Dude- when are we ever going to have a chance like this again?" Drake asks, putting a hand on Josh's knee for emphasis.

"I guess I could, maybe," Josh says, rambling a little, and Drake beams.

"Awesome!" He says throwing his hands in the air.

"But Drake, not everyday ok? I mean I do have to get things done and I-" Josh begins.

"Uh huh," Drake cuts him off, "So I'm thinking we can spend a couple days in LA, and then maybe we can down to Mexico, and Trevor says there's this hotel out in desert that everyone should see. Oh and my band has some gigs but you were going to come to those anyway right?" Drake says, words coming out in an excited steam totally ignoring Josh's weak protests.

"Of course," Josh says sighing, maybe one day he'd learn to say no Drake, but for today he's happy just to smile and get caught up in Drake' excitement.


	2. Luck

**Author's Note:** A Drake chapter, with a smattering of random canon characters thrown in. Kind of a transitional chapter, but an important one in the long run. I think in canon, Thornton is younger than the boys... but I've decided I don't really care .For the purpose of this story, he's in their grade.

For Katie, who reads all my chapters for me and tells me they don't suck. Because I always think they do.

**Warnings:** Swearing, theme I guess, and some flirting. I know it's flirting, even if the boys don't.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine- seriously, I own nothing. I make no money.

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**Tuesday**

Thornton Wellsley has got to be the unluckiest guy on the planet. Really, Drake is pretty sure that even televised Birthday parties don't balance out this- to make it through three years and 175 days of school as the cool rich kid, to almost get out with everyone still thinking you're the man, only to be caught, the Monday before graduation, making out with another guy, some sophomore theater geek. So now everyone is talking about him and at him, he's getting mocked and congratulated, insults and random hugs, no one will just leave him alone. His ex-girlfriends are telling their friends how they knew all along and everyone knows someone who swears they heard he was once busted by a teacher for going down on another guy in the locker rooms. Drake feels for the guy, he really does, and he doesn't even like Thornton. In fact when Josh first tells him about it (and that right there is a sign of how out of control this is, Josh knows), the first thing Drake says is:

"That guy owes us underwater Geos." Which confuses Josh so much that he does that cute thing where his eyes get all narrow and he kinda half sighs half groan, and then he says

'Excuse me?"

"Well, we couldn't go to that party because he was mad at me for kissing his girlfriend right?" Drake says.

"Yes, I remember." Josh says in that tone of voice that Drake knows means he should probably stop doing or saying whatever it is he is doing or saying- but he never does.

"So we didn't get those underwater Geos like you really wanted, and we should have because he had no reason to be mad at me." Drake explains, and ok, even he knows there are serious are flaws with that logic, so he isn't really surprised when Josh had turns slightly pink, and kind of sputters at him.

"He had every reason, you can't say that just because now, I mean Drake he might have been, or you know- it doesn't excuse, he still had every right to, you can't just- you're ridiculous,"

"I am not ridiculous." Drake protests, "In fact, I think maybe I did him a favor." He says smirking. 

"A favor?" Josh says, turning even redder, and Drake has to suppress the urge to giggle at him. Josh is so easy sometimes.

"Yeah well you know, he doesn't even like girls, maybe them breaking up was good for him." Drake said. "He should thank me."

"Your brain frightens me." Josh says slowly, looking like he is fighting for control.

"You know I'm right." Drake says grinning again.

"Not even a little." Josh says.

"So you don't want an underwater Geo?" Drake asks.

"Everyone wants an underwater Geo, that's not the point." Josh says, rolling his eyes.

"Sure it is," Drake says, not because he really believes it, but because he kind of wants to see how long he and Josh can fight about this, "We deserved those Geos," He says. Josh groans again and throws a pillow at Drake's head, "Hey!" Drake yelps, throwing it back. Josh swerves and the pillow misses him and knocks a lamp off the table, breaking it.

"Drake!" Josh yells.

"It's not my fault you ducked." Drake says.

"That lamp was a gift from Grammy!" Josh says, "and you broke it."

"Actually the pillow broke it." Drake says, smirking again, and Josh kind of growls,

"That's IT!" He yells, and tackles Drake. Drake grunts and throws his weight up towards Josh, and they roll off the couch and onto the floor, wrestling, arms and legs and torsos and hips hitting against each other over and over again as they fight. Drake's shirt is riding up and he's pinned under Josh, sweating, laughing, smirking, and Josh is looking down, and now he's smiling too, and God this is fun. There is something about their little wrestling matches that is always exciting, and really? This is exactly where Drake was hoping the night would go.

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Thursday 

What Drake needs, right now, is someone to make out with. He's pretty sure that someone else's lips are the only thing that could make this period, this day, this week at all tolerable. Unfortunately for Drake, Mrs. Hayfer, enjoying her last little bit of control over the seniors, has actually assigned them seats, and put all the pretty girls clear across the room from Drake. He had tried to protest, but she had just laughed at him and sent him to the back corner, surrounded by nerds. He had been counting on this last week of high school, the one between prom and graduation, being awesome. He'd actually been hoping to spend this whole period with Hannah Reils on his lap, but since Mrs. Hayfer is evil, his lap is empty and he's bored.

He wishes Josh was in this class, but Josh took AP English this year, and left Drake to face Mrs. Hayfer all on his own. Some awful movie about going after your dreams is playing loudly, and Drake is about four seconds away from hitting his head off his desk-again. He tried it once about twenty minutes ago, a nice head bang with a deep annoyed sigh to match and Clayton, the nerd on his right, had actually glared and him and shushed him. There's a sheet of paper in front of him, one he'd been hoping to use to jot down places he and Josh can go this summer, or possibly ways to kill Mrs. Hayfer, but it's blank. He hasn't been able to write anything because the nerd behind him has somehow managed to fall asleep and is snoring.

Drake is pretty sure this what hell must be like; bored out of his mind, Josh-less, girl-less, and surrounded by nerds who shush him and snore in his ear while the worst movie in the world drones on and on. He should be living it up and enjoying this last week of high school, but no, he's in his own personal hell and it sucks. He glares around the classroom, finding ways to blame them all for his annoyance, until his glare finds Thornton. That stops his pity party short, because really, if anyone is living their personal hell right now, it's Thornton. He looks it too, he's all slumped over, and there are some serious dark circles under his eyes.

This whole thing is weirdly unsettling for Drake, it makes his stomach drop a little just thinking about it, and he's not really sure why. He really does still think Thornton is kind of an ass, a Beatles record stealing ass, this really doesn't change that, no matter what he said to Josh. He knows it doesn't really change what happened in the past at all, it's weird though, because this is all really bothering him. He can't remember that last time he spent this much time thinking about someone who wasn't him, about something that doesn't involve him at all. It's almost like he feels guilty, or maybe...exposed...but that's stupid, because it's not him. It's not about him at all, but it really leaves him with a bad feeling in his stomach.

Thankfully, the bell rings just as Drake is starting to get kind of stupidly depressed about problems that aren't even his, and leaps from his seat, almost knocking over Clayton as he goes.

"Drake!" Mrs. Hayfer calls as he bolts from the room.

"Yes?" Drake says turning around.

"One last thing before you walk out of my classroom forever- I hate you." She says.

"Yeah, Yeah. I know." Drake says, "I'll miss you too" he says, smirking and turning around again, leaving the room before she can respond.

"Hey Brotha!" Josh says sliding up next to Drake in the hall.

"Hey!" Drake says back grinning.

"Only one day left and we are high school graduates!" Josh says, almost bouncing.

"And tomorrow is all assemblies and graduation practice, no more desk chairs and no more Mrs. Hayfer." Drake says,

"We are almost free!" Josh says.

"I know! Let's go celebrate!" Drake says.

"Well I was going to-" Josh starts but then he shakes his head and stops, "never mind. Let's go."

"Awesome! " Drake says, taking Josh's hand and pulling him out the front doors of Belleview high, all weird stomach feelings and thoughts of Thornton erased, for the moment.


	3. Graduation

**Author's Note: ** These first few chapters are kind of set-up chapters. They're needed, but this isn't the fun stuff yet, or at least what I think of as the fun stuff. This is another Josh chapter. I don't plan to have it be every other chapter for the boy's perspectives, that's just kinda how these first three have panned out. The next chapter is Josh too actually.

For Katie, who reads my D&J fic over for me after I write and assures me it's not terrible, because I always think it is.

**Disclaimer:** I clicked my heels together three times, but I still don't own Drake and Josh. Very Sad.

Josh is on his second cup of lime-aid, sipping it every now and then as he circulates the graduation party in his backyard. It's hot and loud and people are standing in loose crowds, talking and laughing. Josh catches Mindy's eye across the yard, where she is surrounded by a couple people he sort of recognizes from debate club. She holds up her hand in a discreet 'five', and points at her watch then tilts her head towards the garage, Josh grins and nods, they haven't really talked all day, except for a few brief words at this morning's graduation ceremony. She'd been valedictorian, of course. A few feet away from her, Craig and Eric are having a loud, animated conversation, possibly a fight. Josh considers going over and seeing what they're talking about before he sneaks off with Mindy, but then his eyes find Drake, and he pauses.

Drake is surrounded by a group of giggling girls, as usual. They're all wearing short skirts and pink t-shirts screen printed with the words 'Drake makes me happy.' Most of them seem to bounce as they talk, tossing their hair and touching Drake every chance they get. Drake's eyebrows are raised, and his mouth is in kind of a perma-smirk as he talks. Josh can't hear them, but he can imagine how the conversation is going, ('_Yeah, I'll be cutting a full album in the fall. Spin City Records, yeah I am excited. What? A song about you? Well maybe... if you do something memorable.") _and he shakes his head, half amused, half disgusted. It was true three years ago, and it's true now- it's good to be Drake Parker. As Josh watches Drake's focus falls on an especially perky blonde, and his smirk upgrades to an almost smile. She touches Drake's arm, and he rakes a hand through his hair so it sits over his eye, and Josh knows that Drake and this girl will be off somewhere, making out, with in the hour.

The girl giggles again, and suddenly Josh's cup cracks and breaks and his shoes are covered in lime-aid.

"Perfect." Josh hisses to himself, heading over to the long table his dad had set up, with beverages, chips, cups, napkins and wet naps. Josh throws out his cup and starts to clean himself up, wondering why things like this keep happening to him. Recently it's seemed like every time he's holding a plastic party cup, it ends up broken. Maybe he's just not meant to go to parties. People like Drake, they're meant for parties, they're meant to flirt and hook up with random girls. Josh is meant to stand on the sidelines and watch; accidentally squeezing his cup so tight he ends up with a beverage all over his Danka Air Puffs.

Josh has finished cleaning himself off and is pouring himself more lime-aid when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to see Crazy Steve, hovering near him. .

"Congratulations on your academic achievement." Steve says, smiling in that calm before the storm way of his.

"Thanks, Lime-Aid?" Josh offers.

"No. Thank you. You know, I didn't have a party when I graduated High school." Steve says.

"Why's that?" Josh asks, and then wishes he hadn't.

"BECUASE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS!" Steve yells, knocking the lime-aid out of Josh's hand as he runs away. The lime-aid spills on to Josh's jeans and then on to the ground.

"Ok. Forget the lime-aid." Josh mutters cleaning himself up, again. Throwing away the cup and napkins, he heads off the garage to meet Mindy, before anything else has the chance to spill on him.

Mindy is sitting on a chair in a semi secluded back corner of the garage when Josh finds her.

"Hey you." He says softly sitting down next to her.

"Hey." She says, pulling his hands into hers.

"Happy Graduation." He says, kissing her quickly.

"You too," she says, but she pulls back, looking troubled.

"What?" Josh asks, confused.

"Josh- I've been thinking." Mindy says, squeezing his hands.

"Ok?" Josh responds, suddenly nervous.

"Well, this summer, before we go off to college, I was thinking we could maybe try and take a break." She says.

"A break- but what? What did I do? I'm sorry if you're mad at me but I don't remember-" Josh rambles, until Mindy puts a finger on his lips to shush him.

"I'm not mad at you, I just think- you have all these plans with Drake right?"

"Yeah but that doesn't mean-" he starts to protest but she cuts him off again.

"And I have things to do too, and I really don't want to spend all summer competing for time with you Josh. You should spend time with Drake. In the fall, you and I will only be an hour apart, but you and Drake will have a country between you." Mindy says.

"I don't understand what that has to do with me and you." Josh says.

"It's just," Mindy stops and sighs, looking like her thoughts are confusing her, "I just think, that if in the fall, we still want to be together, then we can work it out, but for this summer we should be apart and see what happens."

"We've been apart before, and our feelings didn't change-" Josh starts then stops, "Is there someone else? Do you like another guy?" he asks.

"No. Josh, there's no one else. Don't do that." Mindy says, looking hurt.

"I'm sorry." Josh says and he means it. He didn't mean to accuse her; he just didn't see this coming, at least not today. He knows things between him and Mindy haven't been perfect, but they haven't been bad either. Maybe there hasn't been much of a spark lately, but they have fun and he's comfortable with Mindy. She's become a constant in his life. Not as much as Drake, but more than almost anyone else ever has been.

"I have some things I need to figure out, and I think you do too." She says.

"What kind of things?" Josh asks and Mindy sighs.

"How about if after a few weeks, you tell me?" Mindy asks.

"I guess. If this is what you really want." Josh says sadly.

"I don't. I just think we need it. Ok?" Mindy asks.

"Whatever." Josh says.

"No not whatever. I need you to understand." Mindy says, "College is a big deal, and if we go in to it together, I want us to go in strong."

"I thought we were strong." Josh says. Which is a lie, but he's still feeling wronged by this whole conversation.

"Josh," Mindy says, almost pleadingly, tilting her head at him. Josh sighs.

"Ok, but just a break right?" he says, "We're not over?"

"We're not over. Let's just see where the summer takes us." Mindy says, nodding.

"Ok." Josh agrees.

"I'm going to go, I promised a couple other people I'd stop at their parties today." She says, standing up and kissing him softly, "are you going to be ok?" she asks looking down at him.

"Yeah. I'm fine." He says, suddenly wanting nothing more than for her to be far far away. He wonders if Drake is off with that girl already. He needs to see Drake. He has to tell Drake about this.

"Ok. I'll see you soon ok?" She says.

"Yeah." He says, looking down. He hears her sigh, and then her footsteps as she leaves the garage. He puts his head in his hands and sighs, "Happy graduation to me." He mutters under his breath.

"She dumped you huh?" a female voice from across the garage says.

"MEGAN!" Josh yells, "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough." She says, standing up and giggling. "I knew it couldn't last."

"You knew what couldn't last?" He snaps, glaring at her.

"You and a girl." Megan says, smirking.

"Megan- if you don't leave this garage right now, I swear I will throw something heavy at your head." Josh says

"Yeah yeah. I'd like to see you try." She says.

"Megan-!" Josh starts, but Megan cuts him off.

"Oh I'm leaving. I need to go update my blog anyway. "Adventures in Boobitude." This one is going to be classic." She says giggling again, and then turning on her heels and walking into the house. Josh glares at the door she walks through for several minutes before he forces himself to stand up. He leaves the garage slowly. The sunlight is suddenly glaring, and he winces as he steps outside.

Drake and his hoard of girls have vanished, and Josh groans. He stalks over to Craig and Eric.

"Have you seen Drake?" he asks them.

"Josh! Will you please tell Eric that name of the ship in _Galaxy Wars_ was-" Craig starts, and Josh cuts him off,

"Not now!" he huffs. "I need to find Drake!"

"What's wrong?" Eric asks.

"Can we help?" Craig asks.

"Or is it a girl thing?" Eric asks.

"We saw Mindy leave." Craig adds.

"Will you **please** just tell me if you know where Drake is?" Josh says through gritted teeth, and Craig and Eric look sheepish.

"I think he went over that way, with some blonde girl." Eric says, pointing in the general direction of Robbie Carmichael's tree house.

"I think it might have been two blonde girls." Craig offers.

"Of course he did." Josh says bitterly.

"Are you sure we can't help?" Craig says, putting a hand on Josh's arm. Josh shakes his head.

"Yeah I'm sure." He says, glaring around the party. Suddenly, he needs to get out of there. If he can't talk to Drake then, he can't be here, in his own backyard for a second longer. He storms into the house, feeling a little bad for being rude to Craig and Eric, but he can apologize later. Right now, all that's important is that he leaves this party before he looses his mind. He needs to think, and clear his head. He grabs the car keys off the hook and heads out the front door.

"Josh?" His Dad calls as Josh is getting in the car.

"Of course," Josh hisses. This is just not his day.

"Where are you going?" His dad asks.

"I'm leaving." Josh says.

"You can't leave your own graduation party." His dad says, laughing a little.

"Watch me." Josh says, slamming the door and driving away, leaving his dad standing on the sidewalk, looking stunned.


	4. Advice

**Author's Note: **Anpther Josh Chapter. coffee, books, music fights, and Drake being Drake. For Katie because she's awesome, and Mal, because this was her plot bunny, oh and also because she's awesome. Thanks to everyone for the amazing reviews to the last chapter. Love to you all.

**Disclaimer:** Not even mine. At all. Although it's almost my birthday, and these boys would be an awesome gift.

* * *

Josh makes a couple of laps around his neighborhood before he makes a quick decision and pulls into the parking lot of the two-story Jonathan Anne's bookstore about fifteen minutes from home. Josh always finds the store comforting, the hundreds of thousands of books, the local artists playing lightly in the background, the smell of constantly brewing coffee, and the insanely comfortable plush chairs. Here, he can sit, sip coffee and just relax, without having to worry about interruptions.

Just being in the store makes him feel slightly calmer, he takes a deep breath and pulls a book he's heard rave reviews of off the new releases shelf. He's in line for a large coffee (decaf) when he spots Thornton Wellesley sitting at a table, looking bored and lonely. Thornton is alone, idly flicking magazine pages, clearly not really reading them. Josh isn't really one to listen to gossip, but Thornton's story has spread so far and so fast, that even Josh has heard every salacious rumor. He has to admit, crappy as his day has been, he's pretty sure Thornton's has been worse. Drake had summed it up best earlier in the week when he'd said:

"Dude, that kid has worse luck than you." And Josh thinks it just might be true.

Coffee in hand, he makes a quick decision and sits down across from Thornton.

"Hi Thornton," he says.

"Nichols." Thornton responds, raising an eyebrow quizzically.

"No graduation parties?"

"Not really anyone I want to celebrate with." Thornton replies, shrugging- still looking puzzled but not unfriendly.

"Sorry."

"Whatever. What about you?" Thornton asks.

"I just stormed out of my own graduation party." Josh replies, and Thornton smirks.

"That's surprisingly cool."

"Thanks… I think."

"Yeah, well. You want to… talk about it?" Thornton asks looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Not really….Whatcha you reading?" Josh asks changing the subject and taking a sip of his coffee.

"_San Diego Magazine_, the music reviews."

"Those are like the only thing I've ever seen Drake read." Josh says, smirking.

"Yeah well, I don't know why I bother to read it, I hate this reviewer. He has no idea what he's talking about." Thornton says.

"That's what Drake says too, he ends up throwing it across the room half the time."

"I know the feeling; this idiot has terrible taste in music. He goes on and on about these horrible bands, like they're amazing. I swear if I ever saw this guy in public, I'd have to smack him." Thornton says, rolling his eyes.

"Drake's planning on putting small animals in his car one of these days. He just hasn't decided on which animals yet." Josh confides, grinning.

"I might have to join him," Thornton says, and he's grinning too. He launches into a story about a concert that made him want to rip his ears off, and the how this reviewer had loved it, and Josh tells him a similar story about a show he saw with Drake. Before long they're discussing favorite concerts and bands and shows coming up this summer, and an hour has passed before Josh knows it. Thornton is surprisingly easy to talk to, and Josh is actually enjoying himself. Thornton is the middle of a story, when Josh's phone rings, Drake's ring.

"Sorry," he says to Thornton, who nods, "What?" he says into the phone.

"Dude, where are you?" Drake asks.

"Jonathan Anne's."

"Why? Dude we're having a party."

"I needed some air." Josh says.

"Well it's been like two hours, come back. Mom and Walter are freaking out."

"Is anyone still there?"

"A couple people. Why'd you leave?"

"Mindy broke up with me." Josh says.

"I…sorry man, but why'd you just leave?" Drake asks.

"I didn't just leave; first I came looking for you." Josh responds, suddenly just as angry as he was two hours ago.

"Well you didn't do a very good job."

"Craig and Eric said you were off making out with some girl!" Josh huffs.

"Oh."

"Yeah 'oh', so since when I needed you, you were making out with some girl, like always, I left."

"It was two girls, and that's not fair." Drake says, sounding offended, "It's not like I knew Mindy dumped you."

"It wouldn't have stopped you."

"Yeah it would have. Dude, by the time I went off with them-"

"Do even know their names Drake?" Josh interrupts.

"I don't-Whatever, that's not the point." Drake says, "Look-"

"Of course you don't. You just blow me off for some girls that you don't even-"

"By the time I went off with them you had already disappeared with Mindy! It's not like you were standing around looking all sad. You were gone!" Drake snaps.

"Yeah but you're always off with some girl when I need you!" Josh shoots back.

"Dude, it's not my fault that Mindy dumped you!"

"I didn't say it was!"

"You might as well have!"

"No, what I said was- I needed you and couldn't find you. You were off with some skunk bags, like you always are Drake."

"I'm not going to say I'm sorry for that Josh. You were gone off with Mindy." Drake snaps.

"Of course not. You're Drake you never apologize for anything." Josh says, which is a lie, but he' still mad.

"You know that's not true." Drake says sighing a little, and Josh knows he's about to switch tactics. "Look, man, I'm sorry Mindy dumped you, and I'm sorry you're hurting, but you need to stop yelling at me. Come home and we'll talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about it." Josh says stubbornly.

"Yes you do. Come home."

"I-" Josh starts, and he's not sure why he ever bothers to fight with Drake. He always looses.

"Joshie…" Drake wheedles, "You know you want to tell me about it. I'll get out the candy."

"Fine," Josh relents he snaps his phone shut before Drake has a chance to get another word in, "I have to go." He says apologetically to Thornton.

"It's cool." Thornton says, but he's giving Josh a strange look.

"What?" Josh asks puzzled by the way Thornton is looking at him, eyebrows raised, glance almost knowing, a slight smile on his lips. He shakes his head and slides Josh a scrap of paper.

"What's this?" Josh asks.

"My number," Thornton says, "if you ever want to talk about anything, give me a call." There's a tone to his voice Josh can't indentify, and it worries him a little. It's almost like Thornton thinks the time will come when Josh will need his opinion or advice, on something more than music. It's weird, but he decides to just go with it.

"Oh... thanks," He says, scrawling his number down on a napkin and sliding it to Thornton, "here's mine."

"Cool." Thornton says.

"I really do have to run," Josh says awkwardly.

"Ok. See ya,"

"Bye," Josh says standing up, he starts toward the door but then Thornton calls out to him.

"Hey Nichols?"

"Yeah?"

"Good luck." He says, still wearing that bemused expression.

* * *

The only guest still at his house when Josh arrives home fifteen minutes later is Crazy Steve, who has made himself comfortable on the couch, and is watching Blue's Clues.

"NOTEBOOK!" he yells, as Josh makes his way up the stairs. He wonders briefly where his parents are, but then decides they're probably just hiding until Steve leaves. He can't say he blames them. He half expects Drake to be asleep, or gone when he reaches their room. So he is pleasantly surprised to find Drake not only awake, but waiting for him.

"Hey man." Drake says, grinning, "I got us out snacks and drinks. Is Mocha Cola good or do you want root beer?"

"I-Mocha Cola is fine. Thanks Drake." Josh says, slightly overwhelmed.

"Sure. So- you ok?" Drake says, patting the space next to him on the couch.

"I've been better." Josh admits.

"So what she say?"

"You really want to know?"

"Of course I want to know" Drake says, then narrows his eyes, "This isn't about your rash is it?"

"No!" Josh says quickly, "It is not. My rash is hardly noticeable these days, _and_ she's never even seen it!"

"For real?"

"Yeah that new cream Dr. Fishburn gave me is really-"

"No- for real Mindy's never seen it?"

"No she hasn't but Drake-" Josh starts, but Drake cuts him off again.

"But you guys went out like forever."

"Yeah I know that."

"So how is it possible that--?"

"Drake! Will you please focus? We're talking about her breaking up with me. Not the parts of my body she has or has not seen." Josh snaps.

"Well maybe that's part of why she did it."

"What?"

"Ok. So tell me what she said." Drake says, putting a hand on Josh's knee, looking thoughtful.

"She said things weren't right between us, and that she wanted us to take this summer to figure some things out." Josh says.

"Ok, well maybe the reason she thought things weren't right between were because you've never-"

"That is NOT the reason!" Josh hisses, shifting so that Drake's hand falls off his knee.

"How do you know?"

"Because Mindy isn't like that!"

"Isn't like what? Normal?"

"Unlike the girls you date, Mindy is a lady, she doesn't think about things like that."

"Josh, we're eighteen, everyone thinks about things like that. Things like_ sex_," Drake says, smirking, "All the time."

"No, eighteen year old guys are always thinking about-sex" he says dropping his voice to a whisper, which makes Drake's smirk broader, "But girls aren't."

"Josh, Josh Josh, we've been over this. Girls are more like guys than you think they are. They have hormones too you know." Drake says, putting both his hands on Josh's shoulders.

"I'm not sure the girls you date are exactly representative of the female population. Not all girls hook up in tree houses with guys they met two hours ago." Josh says forcing himself to shrug Drake's hands away.

"Representative..?" Drake starts, but then he shakes his head and says, "I thought we'd moved on from the tree house thing. I'm here now."

"Yeah I know you are. My point was- Mindy isn't like the girls you date. I mean, Drake you don't really pick them for their brains."

"Wouldn't that be a waste if I want to do is make out with them?"

"What?"

"Well, you don't have to be smart to kiss, so looking for smart girls, would just be a waste of time that could be spent kissing." Drake says, looking frighteningly serious.

"Yes, your logic as always, is flawless." Josh says dryly, "Aren't we supposed to be talking about me?"

"Oh right. So Mindy dumped you, because she thinks you're relationship is going nowhere, because you've never gotten it on." Drake summarizes.

"That is not what she said!"

'It's what she meant."

"It is not!" Josh fumes.

"Fine. What do _you_ think she meant?"

"I don't know, she said she had things to figure out, and that that I did too. I thought that maybe meant she liked someone else, but she said she didn't, so I don't know. And I really don't know what it is she thinks I need to figure out, I mean she's the one who dumped me. I'm the dumpee!" Josh rambles.

"Did you ever try and sleep with her?"

"Drake!"

"Sorry," Drake says, grinning sheepishly, "Maybe she did meet someone new. Some nerdy debate team guy?" he suggests.

"She wouldn't lie to me about that."

"I don't know what to tell you then dude, but hey at least now we have more road trip time."

"Yeah I guess so. I just wish I knew what she was thinking. You know?" Josh says.

"Now that we're both single we can have way more fun!"

"Umm. Ok, but about Mindy-"

"Do you want to go to LA this weekend? We can go back to that awesome record store we found last time we were up there." Drake says.

"Are you even listening to me?" Josh says, swatting Drake's shoulder.

"Trying not to. Why are you still talking about Mindy?"

"She is the topic of this conversation!"

"Not anymore. We thought about, we don't know the answer, well I do but you don't want to hear it, so it's time to talk about something else."

"But I-"

"Look dude, we graduated today, I never have to see that school, or Mrs. Hayfer again, I know you're upset, but can we talk about something fun now?" Drake asks. It's got to be a sign of insanity, but Josh actually finds himself nodding in agreement. It's nothing short of a miracle that he has held Drake's attention this long and looking at the upside of Mindy dumping him actually sounds like a really good idea.

"So LA this weekend?" He asks, and Drake tackle hugs him.


	5. LA Song

**Author's Note:** I wasn't actually going to update this story this weekend. I have a Derek/Casey one shot floating around my head, I was going to write that- but Drake and Josh can be pushy. They demanded I update this. I can't tell these boys no.

The chapter references one of my favorite things. If you watch episodes obsessively- like I do, you can see that starting in the third season, the boys have a John Mayer poster in their room. It's in the corner by their door, it's lime green. It says, "Room For squares- 'No such thing as the real world'- and 'Your body is a Wonderland'." This makes me really happy- and I've wanted to write about the boys listening to John Mayer ever since I first noticed that. I finally found a way to work it in.

A Drake Chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing I mention in this chapter. Very sad.

* * *

The way Drake sees it, every time he goes to L.A. it's like preparing for his future. He likes L.A., it's louder than San Diego and busier, the energy seeps up through the sidewalks. It always feels like anything could happen at any minute, of course, that might be because the first time he spent any real time in L.A. he and Josh ended up captured by evil counterfeiters, but whatever. It's not a long drive, an hour and half if he's driving, two and half if Josh is, and it always goes by quickly. He's tried to tell Josh they should come up more often, but Josh always has some excuse about work or something. Josh has actually suggested that Drake could drive up without him, but Drake doesn't want to. He's never actually been to L.A. without Josh. He's sure it would be fun anyway, but Josh makes everything more fun. Besides, when they're out of the house together, they don't have to worry that Megan's lurking around a corner somewhere, waiting to do something painful to them. It's good to be with Josh in a stress free place.

It's their first road trip as high school graduates and Drake is excited, so he gets up and showers at 6am. He waits till 7am to wake Josh up. Josh gets cranky if he's woken up too early. He bounces down on to Josh's bed,

"Josh!" he yells.

"Dude." Josh says rolling over, "It's early."

"It's road trip day! Get up!" Drake says, pulling the pillow out from under Josh's head and hitting him with it.

"It's early." Josh repeats, his voice muffled under the pillow.

"Today is important man. Get up!" Drake says, starting to tug on Josh's covers.

"Hey!" Josh yelps, sitting up a little. "I'm up." he grumbles.

"Good. You take a shower, I'm going to pick us up road snacks. You want a breakfast burrito thing?"

"You know I can't turn down eggs and sausage wrapped in a tortilla shell." Josh smiles.

"I've noticed. You can't turn down most Mexican food." Drake observes mildly.

"I have a bit of a churro weakness." Josh admits.

"A bit?" Drake asks, smirking.

"Ok.. it's a big weakness." Josh says, sitting up and running a hand through his hair.

"You should join a twelve step program."

"I'm not sure they make twelve step programs for churro lovers."

"Internet support group?" Drake suggests, standing up so Josh has room to get out of bed.

"Yeah. There probably is one of those. I'll look." Josh says, getting up and stretching.

"Look later. Right now you have to shower so we can get going." Drake says, rolling on his feet impatiently.

"Why are you in such a hurry?"

"It is our first road trip as high school graduates. It's a big deal." Drake says, "go shower!"

"Oh I'm going. But when I get out I expect a breakfast burrito."

"I'm on it." Drake says, bouncing out of the room.

* * *

"Will you slow down?" Josh asks.

"I'm not even going that fast." Drake protests.

"That number your speedometer is on? That's an 80."

"Which isn't that fast."

"The speed limit is 65!" Josh says.

"Oh whatever. I know what I'm doing." Drake says, rolling his eyes.

"This how I'm going to die, you're going to crash us into a wall, and we're going to die." Josh mutters.

"What wall? Highways don't have walls Josh. Breath."

"You'll find one! You'll find it and we'll hit and then we'll die. Three days after high school graduation."

"Oh stop being so dramatic, pick a new CD." Drake says, but he does slow down a little. Josh smiles and pops a CD into the car stereo.

"John Mayer?" Drake asks with a groan as "No Such thing," starts up.

"You said I could pick." Josh says, smirking.

"I should be glad it's not Clay Aiken." Drake says, rolling his eyes again, "You're such a girl sometimes."

"Shut up. You know you love this CD."

"Not really."

"Yes you do. You know all the words to everyone of these songs." Josh accuses

"Because you've made me listen to it a billion times." Drake shoots back.

"Uh. Huh."

"Whatever. Put the sex one on."

"Doesn't your mind ever get tired of it's single track?" Josh asks, rolling his eyes, but doing what Drake asks.

"Nope." Drake says, grinning as "Your Body is a Wonderland" fills the car. They're quiet for a minute, both humming the familiar song as Drake coasts down the highway, until Josh breaks the silence.

"Let me drive." He says, turning to look at Drake.

"No." Drake says.

"Come on." Josh pleads.

"No!" Drake repeats, "We're almost there anyway."

"Fine. But I get to drive home." Josh says.

"Maybe." Drake smirks.

"No. Not maybe. I get to drive home!" Josh insists adorably. For a minute, Drake considers fighting with him about it some more, just because he likes to see Josh all worked up, but then he decides that's probably not very safe. So he backs down.

"Fine." He says.

"Really?" Josh beams, and Drake bites his lip to keep from laughing. Sometimes he thinks that Josh could get away with just as much, if not more, than he does by being cute and charming. He'd just have to learn to work with what he has- what he's totally unaware he has. Drake's considered teaching him but he's not sure he could convince Josh it was possible. Josh would just tell him he was unlucky and mutter something stupid about not being good looking enough, and then they'd fight, and Josh would blush, and it just seems like a lot of work.

"Whatever," he says, smiling.

* * *

"Hey! You're in here!" Josh calls grabbing Drake's arm and pulling him over to the CD rack he's standing in front of, "See?" He says triumphantly, pulling out a copy of "Makes me Happy." They're in Drake's favorite little music store. They'd discovered a few trips ago, and now it's a must visit whenever they come up.

"It's awesome every time." Drake beams, running his fingers down the CD's case. The song hasn't quite been the number one hit that Nick Metao had predicted, but it's gotten some radio play, and it sold decently, locally anyway. Originally he had wanted to drop everything and record a full album right away, but his mom had stepped in. She had insisted it was important that Drake at least finish High School. Drake didn't really understand why, but he'd done it. Spin City had been cool about it; so he's all set to record in the fall.

"Yeah it is," Josh says, smile almost as big as Drake's, "One day, these are going to be worth a fortune."

"You think?" Drake asks.

"Sure. You'll be a huge star, and these will be rare, hard to track down first edition singles. Spin City didn't release very many of these."

"Yeah and you've got like 50 of them, so that'll make it harder." Drake says, putting the CD back.

"I only took 25, and as your manager, I think that's perfectly reasonable."

"Uh huh," Drake says, rolling his eyes but smiling, "What are you going to do with 25 of them?"

"Actually I only have 22 now. I gave Craig and Eric each one, and then Helen stole one."

"Only 22? Oh no!" Drake says with a fake gasp. Josh's devotion to Drake's career might be dorky, but it's also really flattering. Josh is the only person in his life that's always believed he could be a star, and he means it. When Josh talks about Drake being great, it's not just because he thinks Drake has amazing hair, or because Drake smiled at him before the show. Josh actually believes Drake will be someone one day. He's not sure how he's going to record in the fall without Josh there. He doesn't like to think about it.

"One day they'll be worth a fortune." Josh repeats, as though that makes sense.

"But, if I'm a big star and you're my manager, won't you already have a fortune?" Drake asks, and Josh pulls him into a giant hug, the kind that lifts Drake off his feet. "Dude!" Drake says, squirming a little. Josh puts him down and lets go.

"Sorry," He says sheepishly.

"There's people here man." Drake says, running a hand through his hair to make it flat again. Normally, he doesn't mind being picked and hugged by Josh, but people are staring.

"Sorry." Josh repeats.

"What was that for?"

"You said I'd still be your manager when you're famous." Josh says, smiling.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't you be?" Drake asks.

"Won't you want a real manager?"

"You are a real manager. The best manager ever." Drake says truthfully. Spin City probably will want him to get a 'professional' manager, but he's sure no one could ever be better than Josh.

"Drake-" Josh starts, but Drake interrupts him.

"Lets go eat. I'm hungry." He says, tugging on Josh's arm and pulling him out of the store.

* * *

"Man, I should see if I could get a gig here." Drake says, gesturing towards the small stage in the back corner of the restaurant.

"I could ask before we leave." Josh says, smiling.

"It would be so cool to play in L.A." Drake enthuses, grinning at Josh.

"I'll ask." Josh repeats, taking a bite of his burger.

"Awesome."

"I guess I should try and get you a bunch gigs before I leave huh? I mean I guess when I can book you stuff when I come on fall break and stuff, and maybe over the phone, and you'll have the Spin City people, but still." Josh says, and Drake's stomach does that weird swooping thing it always does when Josh talks about not being around come fall. 

"Yeah." He says distractedly, taking an angry bite of his burger. Stupid college. He doesn't understand why Josh has to go away. It will mess everything all up, and Drake loves the way things are.

"What?" Josh asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing." Drake says.

"You're all moody all the sudden." Josh observes.

"I'm fine." Drake snaps.

"You're not." Josh says, staring at Drake.

"I just don't know why you have to leave." Drake mumbles.

"College is important Drake. You know that. Besides, you're leaving too." Josh points out. Drake hates that. How Josh always says things that makes sense when he's trying to sulk.

"Yeah I know." he admits.

"Nothing's going to change. We'll still be us." Josh says. Drake kinda doubts that. He's pretty sure that Josh is going to go off to college and meet really smart interesting people, people who talk about things Drake doesn't even understand, and then Josh will wonder why he ever spent so much time talking to Drake. He's pretty sure Josh will come home for breaks and want to talk about those people, want to talk about places Drake has never been, want to talk about books Drake's never read, and classes Drake could never understand. He's pretty sure Josh will come home, and he won't need Drake anymore. Just the idea makes Drake desperately lonely, but it's not next year yet. Right now, it's the first rood trip of summer, and he has Josh all to himself. He decides to make the most of it.

"So you really think you can get me in here?" Drake asks changing the subject.

"Well once they hear you, they'll have to let you play here. You're awesome." Josh says grinning.

"They'll be able to say they gave me one of my first breaks twenty years from now when 'Behind the Music' wants to talk to them." Drake says.

"I plan on starring in your 'Behind the Music'," Josh says, and Drake beams at him.

"Shouldn't I be the star?"

"Well yeah, but you know, they'll talk to me the second most." Josh muses.

"I guess... are you going to finish those fries?"

* * *


	6. Not so mellow

**Author's Note: **This fic has a life of it's own. I swear it does. Like, Eric is in this chapter, and he totally changed my plans around. He decided he wanted to be way more confrontational than I was thinking. He's pushy like that. Then Thornton, he stepped and reminded me that well- Josh is hot, and that also, Thornton would like back story and some issues too thanks. Teenage boys are very demanding.

Anyway- A Josh chapter. An important chapter.

**Disclaimer:** Did you ever see that episode of South Park with the homeless people who are more like zombies? They just wander streets. The expert guy tells the South Park boys that homeless are just like- only they can survive solely on change. Not food or water, just change.

Fanfic writers are like that. We own nothing, nothing at all, and we can survive solely on feedback. It's true.

* * *

Josh wakes up to the soft beeps of his cell phone and Drake curled up next to him. He smiles and stretches carefully, trying not to wake up Drake as he reaches his left hand into his pocket for his phone. He turns his alarm off and smiles again, looking down at Drake. They'd been up late watching some of the cheesy Kung Fu movies Josh downloaded off the Internet, and had never made it all the way to their beds. Drake's head is nested on Josh's upper arm, their bodies are pressed together, hips brushing, legs falling over the edge of the couch, intertwined at places and it should be really uncomfortable. Josh is pretty sure he should wake up with a creak in his neck and a stiff back after nights like this, but he never does. He thinks maybe it has something to do with how little Drake is- it seems to make him surprisingly soft. He moves slowly, shifting his weight carefully, and grabbing a pillow off the floor as he stands up. He sets the pillow on the empty space he's left on the couch, and situates Drake so his head is on the pillow and his legs are stretched out, feet up. It's a good thing Drake is a heavy sleeper. Josh smiles again and walks over to Drake's bed. He grabs the comforter and returns to the couch. He covers Drake, wrapping the edges of the blanket aground him like a cocoon. Drake shifts, smiles, and mutters something that might just be Josh's name before snuggling down again. Josh brushes a lock of hair out of Drake's face affectionately, and then straightens up and heads to his closet. He pulls out a towel and his Premiere uniform and heads to the shower.

* * *

"And my mom said I could take three friends on our trip to Niagara Falls this year. Do you and Drake want to come? We're going to head up the third week in July." Eric asks Josh. He's leaning against the snack counter at the Premiere, sipping root beer and keeping Josh company. It's a Thursday, and even though it's summer, its been slow and Craig is visiting some relative Josh has never heard of, an aunt in San Francisco, for the week. They're both feeling a little restless."Craig already said he could come?" Josh asks, wiping down the counter for the millionth time. 

"Yeah. He comes every year. It's really fun. Plus we'll be able to show you guys around, like tour guides!" Eric enthuses.

"I guess that could be cool. I'm not sure though. Drake has all these plans. I'll have to ask him."

"Ok. Just let me know soon. My mom is going to want to make arrangements."

"Sure. I'll ask him when I get home later. Actually, I'm surprised he hasn't dropped in yet. What time is it?" Josh asks.

"Almost noon." Eric says, stealing a glance at his watch.

"Is that all?" Josh groans, "He's probably still sleeping."

"Out late last night? Big date?"

"Actually we were both home. We just ended up staying up late watching movies." Josh says.

"Movies?"

"Yeah. I found this site online where you can download a ton of Kung Fu movies. So I made us DVD's." Josh explains.

"Oh! I think Craig was talking about that place. Neither of us has a working laptop right now though." Eric says, frowning slightly.

"Still?"

"Well we decided since we're going to be roommates next year we should save our money together, and buy two of the same thing. We're just waiting until we get enough money."

"I could make you copies if you want." Josh offers, smiling slightly.

"Maybe." Eric says, he opens his mouth to say something else, but he's cut off by Helen, who comes blustering over, clipboard in hand.

"Josh!" she yells.

"What's up Helen?"

"I was just looking at this schedule. Why isn't Crazy Steve on it? Is he in jail again? I cannot afford to bail that boy out right now." She says, glaring at Josh.

"No he's-" Josh starts,

"Do you have money?" She asks, cutting him off.

"We don't need money. He's not in jail. He's taking a vacation." Josh says, rolling his eyes.

"A vacation?"

"Some sort of relaxation seminar?" Josh offers, shrugging.

"Oh. Well that's a relief. I thought he assaulted a police officer. Again." She says, then she looks at Eric, "Aren't we missing a nerd?"

"Craig's visiting his Aunt Gwen in San Francisco." Eric explains.

"Why is everyone on vacation? I need a vacation." Helen grumbles, walking away and back to her office.

"She scares me." Eric says once she's out of earshot.

"You get used to it." Josh says, grinning.

"Craig's had nightmares." Eric confides, "something about her banning us from the theater and chasing us with a giant clipboard."

"You guys don't even work here!"

"You don't have to work here to see that she's scary."

'Who's scary?" a new voice chimes in, and the boys look up to see Thornton striding towards the snack counter. Josh smiles, he and Thornton have talked briefly on the phone a couple times and sent a few texts since their first talk, but he hasn't seen him since. He's relieved to see that Thornton looks happier than last time he saw him, less listless.

"My boss." Josh explains.

"That sucks." Thornton says, an easy grin on his features, "so how have you been Nichols?" he asks, placing his elbows on the candy counter.

"Surprisingly good." Josh says truthfully, grinning back. "Hey- you know Eric right?"

"Yeah..." Thornton says, sounding somewhat uncertain and glancing at Eric, "What's up?"

"Hi Thornton." Eric says, shooting Josh a confused look.

"So you haven't had to storm out of any more parties?" Thornton asks, turning his attention back to Josh.

"Haven't even been tempted." Josh says, smirking a little.

"Impressive. Not fighting with Drake anymore?"

"You were fighting with Drake?" Eric asks, looking back and forth between Thornton and Josh, a puzzled crease in his forehead.

"For a couple hours. Not a big fight, just the kind we always have." Josh assures Eric. "We're fine again now. We were actually in LA last weekend. How have you been?" He asks Thornton.

"Surprisingly good." He echoes, and Josh grins.

"So what brings you to the Premiere?" Josh asks.

"Looking for you actually." Thornton says.

"How come?" Josh asks.

"I found the DVD of that concert we were talking about- The Hailstones? I thought you might want to watch it?" Thornton says, grinning again. He's bouncing a little, and Josh can't help but think of Drake.

"Yeah. Totally." Josh enthuses, "when?"

"When do you get off work? I'm free all day."

"Four." Josh says, "Drake and I were going to hang out though. Do you mind if he comes?" Thornton's smile falls a little, just for a second, barely noticeable, and then he recovers.

"Not at all." He says, beaming again, "So my place? call me when you get off? I'll give you directions."

"Sure."

"Ok. Cool. See you later." he says, and then he turns waves and walks out of theater.

"Ok. That was weird." Eric says when Thornton leaves.

"No it wasn't."

"Yeah it was. Since when are you... friends... with Thornton?" Eric asks, eyebrows raised.

"Since graduation. Why?" Josh asks, not sure why Eric looks so stunned. Not even stunned, he looks almost, disappointed in Josh, like he's caught him in a lie. It's making Josh a little uncomfortable.

"He came to the Premiere looking for you." Eric says, accusingly.

"I know."

"Does Drake know you're friends with him now?"

"Not really. But all three of us are going to hang out later. Why are you making such a big deal of this?" Josh asks, and Eric closes his eyes like he's struggling for control.

"Josh-" He starts, then he stops and takes a deep breath, "You and Drake. Don't you ever---?" but never finishes his question because at that moment Drake rushes in, looking out of breath and giddy.

"Josh!"

"Hey!" Josh says back, biting back a laugh as Drake almost collides with the counter, and nearly knocks Eric's drink right out of his hand.

"Sorry Craig." He says-

"I'm Eric!" Eric snaps.

"Yeah. Awesome." Drake says shaking his head and then turning his attention back to Josh, "Guess what?!" He enthuses.

"What?"

"That place in LA, that restaurant you talked to? Cafe Grill? They just called me! They want me and my band to play there this weekend!" Drake says, beaming.

"I told you they'd love your CD. That's awesome!" Josh says, the theater is still pretty much empty so he steps out from behind the counter and pulls Drake into a giant celebratory hug. From behind them, he hears Eric let out an exasperated sigh.

"You're awesome! I can't believe you got me in there. In LA!" Drake says, returning the hug with full force. He tilts his head at Josh when they pull back, " hey, did you cover me up this morning?" he asks.

"You looked cold." Josh says, still grinning at Drake's good fortune.

"Thanks." Drake says, and he's beaming too.

"Not a problem. We probably should try not to fall asleep on the couch though."

"It's comfortable."

"I'm always afraid I'm going to wake you up though. I had to rearrange you this morning." Josh says.

"Yeah but you didn't wake me up." Drake says shrugging, then he bounces again, "Oh! So my band needs to practice like nonstop for the next two days. So I can't hang out later. Sorry dude but- LA!"

"Practice is important."

"You don't mind?"

"Actually, I sort of made plans anyway. So you go practice." He says.

"Plans?" Drake asks, tilting his head again, "rebound dating? You're not trying to make Mindy jealous are you? Cause I've been there and trust me, it's not-"

"It's not a date. I was actually going to invite you too." Josh says, cutting him off.

"Where?"

"Thornton's got this Hailstones concert DVD. He invited me to come watch it." Josh explains, and Drake's eyes narrow slightly.

"Thornton Wellesley?" He asks.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Why are you hanging out with that guy? He tried to steal my Beatles album. Remember?"

"He's cool Drake. You'd like him." Josh says, and Drake rolls his eyes.

"Whatever."

"No seriously dude. Actually, he reminds me a lot of you."

"Of me?" Drake says, his eyebrows arched in disbelief.

"Yeah, you know, he hates that _San Diego Magazine_ music reviewer just as much as you do and you guys listen to a lot of the same bands and-"

"Whatever. Everyone hates that guy. I gotta go to practice." Drake interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Ok. See you at home later?" Josh asks, not sure why Drake looks so annoyed.

"Yeah. Have fun with Thornton." Drake says, with a touch of distaste in voice.

"Congratulations again dude!" Josh calls as Drake walks out of the theater. Drake turns back around and smiles again.

"LA!" He repeats, "so awesome."

"Have a good practice." Josh says warmly.

"Thanks dude." Drake says then he turns and leaves the theater, pulling out his cell phone as he goes. Josh turns back around to find Eric glaring at him.

"What?" He asks, walking back behind the counter.

"You really don't see it do you?" Eric asks, sighing.

"See what?"

"When Mindy broke up with you she told she thought you needed to 'figure some things out' right?" Eric asks, and Josh sighs. He's not sure why everyone is so hung up on that part.

"Yeah."

"You." Eric stops and takes another deep breath. When he speaks again he looks determined. It's not a look Josh is used to seeing on Eric. "You had to rearrange Drake this morning when you got up for work? You covered him up before you left?"

"We fell asleep on the couch!" Josh defends, but he feels himself blush a little.

"And just now- he was jealous of you hanging out with Thornton," Eric presses on, leaning over the counter so he can lower his voice, despite the still mostly empty theater. Josh's stomach drops a little at this accusation.

"He was not jealous." Josh says, "He just doesn't like Thornton."

"He was jealous. And Thornton? He was flirty." Eric says, gripping the counter.

"He. was. no." Josh manages, and now he is really blushing, and flustered, and his stomach has reached knee level.

"I'm pretty sure he was."

"He wasn't. I mean I'm not, and just because he is... and Drake.. I mean he's not. We just. I mean he wouldn't, and Thornton.. we're. No." Josh rambles, and he's gripping the counter too, suddenly really glad it's been a slow day.

"Drake doesn't know he was jealous." Eric puts in, as if that helps.

"What?" Josh asks.

"Look, Josh. This really isn't that hard to see. The pieces all fit. You're one of the smartest people I know. The jealous, the flirting, the touching, the everything." Eric says, and Josh almost throws up. It's really painful to be poked in a place so hidden, so vulnerable and raw, that you never even let yourself look at it. The place where he kind of thoughts that play at the back of your mind before you fall asleep at night, the ones you dismiss by morning live. The thoughts that creep in without warning on really bad days. The thoughts you chase back to their place with _of course not_ and _that's crazy_. They're thoughts Josh isn't planning on ever confronting, since they don't matter. They can't matter. Eric's dragging them out, as though it's all easy and obvious, and suddenly Josh is furious.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." he hisses.

"I know more than you think." Eric says, quietly, sadly.

"How?" Josh spits, and Eric takes another deep breath and goes a little pale,

"Josh. Craig isn't just my best friend." He says, voice shaking a bit.

"He's...what?"

"We're _together_. We have been for almost three years. We're in love." Eric says still sounding shaky. Josh is reeling, although a large part of brain is yelling that he should have seen this coming. Words like _of course_ are spinning around in his mind.

"Wow." he breathes, because he doesn't know what else to say.

"Yeah. So- I know. I know what I'm talking about it here." Eric says, and Josh narrows his eyes again, anger returning.

"I'm happy for you guys." He says, "I really am. But I don't know what this has to do with me."

"Josh." Eric says simply, arching an eyebrow.

"No. Really. Good for you guys. I'm glad you worked all that out and that you're happy, but I still don't know what your point is." He says, stubbornly. He's not having this conversation with Eric, or with anyone. Ever. He can't. Even the possibility of talking about- those things, the ones he keeps locked in the back of his mind- it terrifies him.

"Yeah you do." Eric says, sighing softly. Josh closes his eyes briefly.

"I'm sorry." He says, "Eric- I just-" He starts, and then Drake's voice echoes in his head,

"_I just need you to understand. I just-"_ and he shudders a little. He shakes his rapidly, trying desperately to avoid this dangerous train of thought. When he opens his eyes again, Eric is looking at him sympathetically.

"I worry about you." he says. "If you ever decide you do know what my point is, I'm here." Josh nods slowly, relieved that Eric seems ready to drop it, at least for now.

"Thanks." he says.

"Sure."

"Can you excuse me for a minute? I need to go check the restrooms." Josh asks, pulling the restroom checklist out from under the counter.

"Of course. I should get going anyway." Eric says.

"Ok. We'll do something later in the week" Josh offers half heartedly

"K. You're not mad at me are you?" Eric asks, looking uncertain.

"I'm not mad." Josh says. Then he walks to the men's restroom, locks himself in a stall, and throws up.


	7. Long as there are stars above

**Author's Note**: So I have a confession to make you guys. I'm loving writing this story. This fic is my baby at the moment, I'm proud of it, so to hear that other people like it too? Makes my day. Seriously, I love each and every review I've gotten. Thank you all.

A Drake Chapter. Josh is trying to distance himself, Drake can't figure out why. Oh and Mindy shows up. 

**Disclaimer**: If I owned them? This show would be on the air, pretty much forever. Not mine. 

For Megan, who reads over my Chapters for me at 3am and answers my paranoid questions about them. 

* * *

Josh is building houses of cards again. He's making them in all shapes and designs, taking one down and erecting another and it's driving Drake crazy. Not the card houses themselves, but the fact that Josh won't tell him what's wrong. Josh only builds cards houses when something is really bothering him. At least ten different houses have shown up in the past day, a new one every time Drake walks in the door, he hasn't seen Josh build this many since the weeks between Columbia's early acceptance deadline and the day Josh's letter arrived. At least then Drake had known what was going on. Now every time he asks Josh about them, Josh changes the subject or comes up with some really bad lie. Drake is getting a little worried. He tries again on Saturday morning when he wakes up to find Josh pulling out the deck of cards yet again. 

"Seriously dude, what's up with the cards?" he asks sitting up in bed and looking down at Josh. 

"Cards? I don't have cards. What cards?" Josh says lamely.

"Dude, there's a deck in your hand." 

"I was going to do a magic trick!" 

"You've been building card houses for the last day. Are you seriously not going to tell me why?" Drake asks, raising his eyebrows.

"All part of a magic trick!" 

"You're the worst liar ever." 

"No see there's this trick and what I do is-" Josh starts to ramble, and Drake rolls his eyes and cuts him off,

"You build houses of cards when you're upset."

"I- not always."

"Yeah you do. You build card houses when you're upset, and you're a terrible liar. Give it up. Just tell me what's bugging you."

"There's nothing bugging me!" Josh says and he really is a terrible liar, he always had been. Drake can't remember Josh ever trying to lie to him before-it's making him worse than usual. He can't figure it out, Josh always talks to him when something is bugging him. Even if it's something Drake can't possibly help with, like chemistry homework or SAT scores, Josh always tells him, unless-

"You're not mad at me are you?" Drake asks, suddenly worried.

"No!" Josh says quickly, turning red, "why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know. But you're being all weird." Drake says

"I am not."

"Yeah. You are. Weirder than usual." 

"We should go eat breakfast. You need energy for your show tonight." Josh says and Drake glares at him. This is seriously weird. He wants to push it further, but Josh has a point, he is hungry. He climbs down from bed and shakes out his hair,

"Do we have pancakes?" he asks.

"I could make you some." Josh offers grinning a little, and it makes Drake feel a bit better. 

"Yeah?" He asks.

"Sure." Josh says standing up.

"Extra sugar in the batter?" Drake asks throwing an arm around Josh's shoulder. 

"Just the way you like them." Josh says. He's smiling for real now, and Drake grins back. Whatever is bugging Josh, maybe he can figure it out later, after a shower and some pancakes.

----------

Josh doesn't just make pancakes. By the time Drake makes it downstairs half and hour later Josh has whipped up pancakes, eggs and fresh squeezed orange juice. Drake beams,

"Eggs too?" he says, sitting down at the kitchen table. 

"And orange juice. It's a big day." Josh says, humming one of Drake's songs as he stacks pancakes on their plates. 

"Awesome." Drake says, "this? Is why you're the best manager ever."

"Because I feed you?" Josh asks, putting a plate down in front of Drake and then sitting down across from him. 

"Yeah pretty much," Drake says grinning and pouring syrup on his pancakes.

"How can you even taste them under all that syrup?" Josh asks raising an eyebrow. 

"It's better this way. You should try it." Drake says, waving a forkful of syrup drenched pancakes in Josh's face. 

"Stop that!" Josh says pushing the fork away, "one day your teeth are just going to like fall out of your mouth with all the sugar you eat. "

"Yeah maybe. If I wasn't Drake. But I am, and I happen to have a perfect smile." Drake says, smiling to illustrate his point. 

"Uh. Huh." Josh says, glancing down at his own breakfast.

"Besides, you said I needed energy for my gig. Sugar gives you energy."

"Actually all the energy you get from that syrup will be long gone by the time you go on stage tonight what you need is-" Josh starts, ready to ramble, and Drake cuts him off. 

"Yeah Yeah." He says, swirling his pancakes in even more syrup and popping them into his mouth grinning. "So you're coming to rehearsal with me later right?" He asks.

"Uh. Actually. I was just planning to meet you up there." Josh says, suddenly looking nervous.

"What? Why?" 

"I kinda made plans for this afternoon." Josh says, staring at the table.

"But you're my manager! You love show day rehearsals!" Drake protests.

"You don't need me there. I'll be at the show."

"Yeah but I like it when you're at the rehearsals." Drake says truthfully. He wishes Josh would stop staring at the table and at least look at him while he's bailing. It would make it easier to be pissed.

"Why?" Josh asks. He sounds small and faraway, and this is _weird_ again. 

"Because I like to know what you think."

"You know I think you're awesome." 

"Yeah but dude we added stuff. I switched around some lyrics and I added this guitar break and-"

"I'm sure it's great."

"You haven't heard it!"

"I'll hear it tonight. I told you, I made plans for this afternoon." Josh says, still looking at the table.

"Doing what?" Drake snaps.

"I told Thornton I'd meet him for coffee." Josh mutters, his voice so slow Drake almost can't hear him.

"You're blowing me off for _Thornton_?"

"I'm not blowing you off," Josh says, finally looking up.

"Yeah. You are."

"I'm still coming to your show. I'm just skipping the rehearsal. Which I've done before. A bunch of times."

"Yeah do to homework or go to work, not to hang out with Thornton."

"Once I went to see a movie with Craig and Eric!" 

"You've seen Thornton like a thousand times this week!"

"I saw him once!"

"Yeah but you were on the phone with him last night!" Drake points out 

"So?" 

"So I don't understand why you have to spend like every second with him!"

"I don't. It's just coffee." Josh says but he still sounds guilty, "I spend every second with you." he adds softly.

"What? Dude you're not making any sense!" Drake says, putting his fork down so he can focus on fighting with Josh.

"You're the one who is all freaked out because I'm doing something I've done a million times before." 

"This is our summer to hang out and chill and you're hanging out with Thornton!"

"It's one Saturday afternoon!" Josh defends, actually looking annoyed for the first time all morning. 

"You've been weird since Thursday night!" Drake accuses, narrowing his eyes. 

"I have not!"

"Yeah. You have! You're being weird and you're building card houses and you're hanging out with Thornton and I don't like it!" Drake spits.

"I'm just getting coffee Drake." Josh says using his slow '_I'm being patient with you Drake_' tone, and Drake's blood boils.

"Don't do that." He hisses, "You're not just getting coffee. You're bailing on me."

"I'm not-" Josh starts but Drake cuts him off.

"You are. It's like you're...avoiding me."

"Why would I be avoiding you?" Josh asks. 

"I don't know! But you are! You're avoiding me and hanging out with Thornton!"

"Will you drop the Thornton thing?"

"Will you just tell me what the hell is going on with you?" Drake counters.

"Nothing is going on." Josh says, and Drake stands up, he can't take this anymore. 

"Whatever." He says glaring at Josh. He shoves his chair into the table and grabs the car keys off the kitchen counter.

"Drake-" Josh starts but he shuts up when Drake glares at him again.

"I'm out of here. I guess I'll see you later. Unless you decided to take a vacation with Thornton or something. Whatever." He says, heading for the front door. 

"Drake come on, you know I'll be at your show." Josh calls after him, sounding upset. 

"Oooh are you fighting? Did I miss it?" Megan says, coming down the stairs.

"Ask Josh. Maybe he'll talk to you." Drake spits, glaring at her. 

"Oooh you are fighting!" Megan squeals. "Are those pancakes?" She asks, sitting down in Drake's chair. Drake glares at both of them one last time: Megan helping herself to his breakfast and looking back and forth at their faces, grinning, and Josh looking all red faced and kind of helpless- before he walks out the front door, slamming it for effect. 

He storms to his car and slams that door too. He drives off as fast as he can, normally driving fast with music blaring makes him feel better- it's not helping today. He's been driving for about five minutes when he realizes that not only does he not have to be at rehearsal for at least another hour, but he's walked out on his breakfast, and he's starving. He makes a sharp U-turn and heads for the nearest McDonalds. It's crowded when he pulls in, and all the menu options sound like complete crap compared to Josh's pancakes. He curses under his breath and orders a greasy something and a large coffee before turning around to hunt down a semi-quiet table. He doesn't see one of course, but he does see Mindy Crenshaw, also by herself, standing at the condiment counter. He seriously considers just leaving, crawling into his room through the window, and hiding in bed all day but then a large family gets up, leaving a corner table free. Drake makes a bee-line for it. He's pouring creamer into his coffee when Mindy walks over.

"Drake." She says, nodding her head and sitting down across from him.

"Can I help you?" He says, glaring at her.

"So were you planning on ignoring me?" She asks, unwrapping her breakfast.

"Pretty much."

"Why?"

"Because I hate you." He says, "and you hate me."

"Is that any reason we can't have breakfast together?" she asks, smirking a little.

"Um. Yes?" Drake says.

"So... Josh isn't with you?" 

"No." He says. He's even more annoyed with this morning now, because normally he'd love the chance to taunt Mindy, to maybe make up some lies about Josh dating all sorts of girls in the past two weeks, but he just can't enjoy it now. Not when _he's_ fighting with Josh.

"Oh. So how he is?" She asks awkwardly.

"I have no idea." Drake says bitterly.

"What?"

"He's avoiding me. So I don't know how he is." 

"How can he avoid you? You live in the same room." Mindy says.

"I don't know. But he is! He's like blowing me off."

"How long has this been going on?" 

"Thursday night." Drake says, and Mindy smirks again.

"So you're upset because he's been avoiding you for a day?" She asks, sounding amused.

"And he's been hanging out with that Thornton guy!" 

"Oh. So you're mad because he's been avoiding you for a day _and_ hanging out with another guy?" Mindy asks, still sounding amused.

"Um. Yeah?" Drake says, "Why is that funny?"

"Did I say it was funny?"

"You sounded like you thought it was." He accuses. She rolls her eyes.

"It's not funny." she says, "A little ironic maybe but-"

"What?" 

"Oh I'm sorry, should I use smaller words?" She says, smirking yet again. 

"Actually it would be great if you could use no words at all. Just stop talking." 

"I would, but I have a point to make."

"Shocking." 

"Just shut up and listen. I'm sure he's just as upset as you are."

"No he's not. He's hanging out with Thornton he's not-" Drake starts

"Trust me he is," she says, cutting him off, "he's always upset when you're upset. He's always thinking about you. I'm sure if he's avoiding you, he's got a really good reason and he won't be able to keep it up for long. You're way too important to him." She finishes. 

"He didn't speak to me for a week once" Drake says, wincing at the memory. 

"And it nearly killed him." Mindy says.

"How do you know?"

"Because he told me." 

"How can you sit there acting like you're some kind of Josh expert? You broke up with him. Remember?" Drake asks.

"Do you know why I broke up with him Drake?" She asks, sighing.

"Well I did. But Josh told me I was wrong." 

"What?" 

"Never mind." He says, glaring at her again, "are you still trying to make a point?"

"Yes. Look, I broke up with him because I'll never be as important to him as you are."

"What?" 

"It's not that I wanted to take your place or anything. You're his best friend, lord knows why, but you are. I know being his girlfriend isn't the same, and if I was just second I wouldn't care- but I'm not even a close second. He picks you instantly. It's never even a hard choice for him," she continues.

"So you were jealous of...me?" Drake says, trying to make sense of her rambling.

"Kinda. Do you know how often he talks about you? Do you know that when you call he drops everything, and he actually lights up? Do you know you're always the first person he tells things? No matter what they are? I had to call him to find out if he got into Columbia or not. You were there when he opened the envelope." 

"We live in the same house." 

"You're missing the point." Mindy says, glaring at him again.

"I just don't understand what you being jealous of me has to do with anything." He says truthfully.

"Don't you think it's weird that I always felt like I had to compete with you?" She asks.

"You're a weird girl."

"And you're impossible. Just-listen, I'm sure whatever is wrong with him you two will be snuggled on a couch together by the end of the day." 

"We don't snuggle." Drake says.

"Sure you don't." Mindy says, rolling her eyes. She stands up, "I should go. I'd ask you to tell Josh I asked about him. But I'm sure you won't."

"I might."

"You won't"

"Yeah probably not." 

"I know. See you around Drake." She says, nodding crisply at him as she throws out the contents of her tray. 

"See ya." he echoes, watching her walk out of the restaurant. He takes a huge gulp of his coffee, glaring at the now empty seat across from him. She's made him feel weirdly guilty about her and Josh's breakup, which is stupid. It's not his fault, and he's still not sure what her point actually was, but it's all left him with an uncomfortable droopy feeling in his stomach. A feeling that seems to come along with Josh thoughts a lot lately. He takes a final sip of coffee and pulls his phone out of his pocket.

"Hey," he says to Josh's voicemail, "Dude I'm sorry I just left earlier. I just hate feeling like you're mad at me. So...you are coming later right? I need you there man. So just, call me later ok?" He pauses, "Oh. I ran into Mindy. She asked about you." He finishes. Then he hangs up, stands up and heads to rehearsal.


	8. Return this spell

**Author's Note:** Mal? This story? It's killing me. I blame you completely. Can't just write happy little one-shots... have to drag the boys through all this angst. sigh It's a good think I love you.

**Disclaimer:** As always, I own nothing. Do you think maybe if I click my heels together three times??

* * *

"So what did Drake do this time?" Megan asks, grinning at Josh. Josh glares at her.

"Must you look so happy about my pain?" He asks her, rolling his eyes and pushing his breakfast away.

"You're lucky I'm not the one causing your pain. Now spill boob."

"No!"

"Why? You know I'll find out anyway. I always do." She says.

"I am not discussing this with you." he says, getting up from the table and scraping his breakfast into the garbage.

"That's just sad."

"What's sad?" he asks, rubbing his eyes warily.

"That fighting with Drake makes you lose your appetite. If Drake wasn't speaking to me I'd throw a party. You throw out your breakfast." She says, shoveling Drakes pancakes into her mouth.

"You know what Megan-?" Josh starts, but Megan cuts him off.

"Hey! Are you fighting with Drake for the same reason you're building lame house of cards?"

"What? No I-"

"Oooh you are! This must be big," She says, sounding pleased, "So what did he do?"

"My issues with Drake do not concern you!" he snaps.

"No. But they make me laugh." She says.

"Well _sorry little girl_ but the Josh show is over. You'll have to get your amusement somewhere else! I'm leaving!" Josh says, storming up the stairs, leaving Megan sitting in the kitchen muttering something under her breath that sounds suspiciously like, "love sick."

He sits down on his bed and groans. He can't help but feel like he isn't handling any of this very well. He doesn't really know what to do, his mind is still reeling from his conversation with Eric, and he can't seem to bring his thought process back to normal. It's like he's become hyper aware of everything in the past 48 hours, which makes it really hard to talk to Drake. He has been avoiding Drake, not because he wants to- but because he sort of feels like he has to. He's been wondering too many things since Thursday, too many things he can't let Drake know about. Some of thoughts aren't even Drake related, most are, but there are a few that are more along the _'I wonder what it would be like to make-out with a guy_' lines. Those seem equally as important, although less terrifying, than the Drake related thoughts. The Drake thoughts are going places to places Josh didn't even know his mind had, until Thursday night. So, yesterday morning he'd decided that he should try and make the next week as Drake-free as possible. He should have known it wouldn't work. Drake had looked wounded at breakfast and Josh can't take that. He thinks it might be better to have Drake know the truth, than to have Drake hurt all week. Not that telling him the truth is possible. It's not like he can sit Drake down and say:

_"Sorry you felt like I was avoiding you. But Eric implied we might be in love, and now I just kind of want to stare at you for a really long time- but that's weird. So I've been staring at walls instead_." It's just not even an option. But still, part of him thinks he'd rather have Drake know than have Drake hurting and thinking he's mad, or unsupportive or blowing him off. He wonders when that happened, when exactly Drake had almost completely wiped out his self preservation instinct.

000000000000000000000000000000000000

"Hey. You ok?" Thornton asks, stopping mid story and staring at Josh. He kicks his foot against Josh's under the table, smirking. Josh jumps a little. He hasn't heard a word Thornton has said in the last ten minutes or so. He's been lost in his own thoughts, mostly thoughts about Drake, and kind of staring into space.

"Yeah. Sorry." Josh says sheepishly, "just...weird couple of days."

"You were a little spacey on Thursday too," Thornton observes, "Not like today though. What's up?"

"A lot." Josh says looking for a way to explain with out giving too much away, "Like, you know how Mindy broke up with me at graduation?"

"Yeah?"

"Well she said she thought I had, 'things to figure out' and when she said it, I had no idea what she meant. But now I think she was right, because all the sudden, I feel like I don't know anything, like I have a ton of things to figure out." He says.

"What kind of things?" Thornton prompts.

"Things I should probably already know." Josh says.

"Do you-" Thornton starts, but then he bites his lip and stops, looking down. "Was it like, something specific that made you think all this?" he finishes awkwardly.

"Sort of." Josh says, "I mean Eric said something that really made me think, think way too much. But I think I might have been thinking all these things for a really long time with out realizing it." He finishes truthfully, rubbing his head with his left hand, trying to quiet his thoughts.

"Without out letting yourself realize it?" Thornton asks, and Josh is briefly annoyed at the knowing and unsurprised tone in Thornton's voice. He's beginning to feel like everyone knows him better than he knows himself. He's not sure when that happened.

"Yeah. Realization is bad." Josh says bitterly.

"What?" Thornton asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Things were less confusing when I thought I had them figured out. I just want to go back a few days."

"Confusing is better than hidden." Thornton says, "trust me."

"Hidden was safer." Josh counters ruefully, "And confusing makes my head hurt."

"That'll pass." Thornton says.

"And then what?" Josh asks, then wishes he hadn't. There is only so much further this conversation can go before one of them will say something that will make what they're talking about obvious. Josh desperately wants to pretend they're talking about something else, about anything else, but he's also desperately curious.

"What do you mean?" Thornton asks, raising his eyebrows again.

"How do..." Josh starts, he stops and shakes his head, then takes a sip of his coffee and tries again, "when does it stop being confusing? I don't know how to figure out-" he stops again and looks down.

"I'm pretty sure that varies." Thornton says, smiling a little. Josh takes a deep breath. He's dangerously close to throwing up again, but he asks his next question anyway.

"Ok. So how did you...stop being confused?" he says, his voice shaking, and Thornton's eyebrows almost shoot of his forehead.

"You really want me to tell you that?" he asks, and Josh blushes.

"I mean, you don't have to, I don't, I didn't- I'm not trying to pry I just-" he rambles before Thornton cuts him off, holding up a hand.

"I don't mind telling you. I just don't want you to pass out on me or anything. You look a little sick."

"I'm ok." Josh lies. His phone vibrates in his pocket, but he ignores it, "really, I'm good." he says.

"If you say so." Thornton says, shaking his head a little, "so you really want to know?"

"Yes." Josh says, and that's a lie too. At least a partial lie. Part of him is already running out of the cafe screaming and locking himself in a small room with nothing but Kiera Knightley movies and pictures until he can stomp this out of his head. But another part of him is pretty sure this train of thought, these questions aren't going to stop anytime soon, so he might as well just confront them head on. Well, some of the questions anyway, the slightly less terrifying ones. He'll deal with the Drake related ones another time, or possibly never.

"Ok. It's actually really dorky." Thornton says, smiling a little sheepishly, "Did you ever take Psych with Mrs. Getta?" he asks.

"No." Josh says, puzzled. His phone is still vibrating, and he shifts in his seat a little.

"Ok. Well I did, junior year. Spring semester she makes you keep these dream diary things. You're supposed to write down both what you dream at night, and what you're thinking about anytime you catch yourself daydreaming in class or wherever. You were supposed to notice the things you dreamt most often, and you know, try and figure out what it all meant." He says, pausing for a second.

"Ok."

"So, I was dating this girl, Beth, at the time and she was in the class with me and she kept talking about how everything she was dreaming, or daydreaming kept leading back to college and then med school. She kept seeing herself at college, fantasizing about being a doctor some day, that sort of thing. She wanted to know if I thought she could do it. If I thought it meant she should go for it. She'd always been scared to even mention college to her parents, let alone med school. Neither of her parents ever went to college, and they were kind of down on the whole education thing. I seriously think they would have been ok with it if we'd gotten engaged at 16." he pauses again, laughing a little.

"Ok," Josh says again, nodding.

"Mrs. Getta told that her dreams where trying to tell her to aim high. I told her I thought she'd make an awesome doctor. Well, she ended up going for it, she volunteers at Mercy Hospital like 4 days a week and she took all these AP classes last year. She's going to Stanford in the fall. Got a scholarship and everything. So, she got so much out of the assignment, I thought I should actually pay attention to mine too. The overwhelming thing in my dreams? Guys. Like, it was almost ridiculous. I mean, I guess I always knew I found other guys attractive, but it never occurred to me that I could do anything about, that there was anything to do about it. So I dated girls, cause that's what you do. You know? Then I was looking over this notebook and I realized that I almost never mentioned girls in more than passing. Like, if Beth or whoever appeared in my dreams, she'd only be there for a second. And I was way more into these dreams than anything I'd ever actually done. Which, was a lot. It just wasn't the same feeling at all. And it just kind of hit me all at once." He finishes, blushing a little and looking down.

"Wow." Josh says, slowly.

"Yeah. I told you it was dorky." Thornton says, blushing a little.

"It's not."

"Yeah it is. I've met these guys who are like, 'well I knew when I had crazy hot sex with another guy. In the back of car. It was mind blowing.' and I knew... when I did my homework. So lame." He says, shaking his head.

"You've met-?" Josh starts to ask then trails off. His phone vibrates again, insistent.

"San Diego is a big city." Thornton says, smiling again.

"I guess so." Josh agrees softly, "So once you knew did-" he starts, but then his phone vibrates again and he sighs and pulls it out of his pocket. "Sorry. I think I have a voicemail. My phone won't stop vibrating and it's really distracting."

"It's cool." Thornton says as Josh flips his phone open. His stomach turns over a little when he sees the screen display. _One missed call. Drake_. _One new Voicemail_. He just stares at for a second then he says,

"I should listen to this. Sorry."

"Go for it." Thornton says.

_"Hey," _Drake's voice says, sounding a little shaky_, "Dude I'm sorry I just left earlier. I just hate feeling like you're mad at me. So...you are coming later right? I need you there man. So just, call me later ok? Oh. I ran into Mindy. She asked about you."_

Josh swallows, takes a deep breath, and wills himself not to throw up.

"Everything ok?" Thornton asks, looking concerned. Josh closes his phone and nods.

"Yeah. Sorry. I just- I have to go." He says.

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I just, can we talk about this another time? I really need to be somewhere."

"Umm. Sure." Thornton says, still looking slightly concerned, "Monday work for you?"

"Monday's good. I'll call you tomorrow." Josh says, standing up, "And thank you for everything you said today. Really."

"No problem." Thornton says.

"So Monday?"

"Monday." Thornton echoes, and Josh waves and hurries out the door, dropping his empty coffee in the garbage as he goes.

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Drake is announcing a break when Josh walks into the rehearsal 20 minutes later.

"Josh!" Drake says brightly, putting his guitar down and walking over.

"Hey." Josh says softly, grinning.

"Listen man about this morning-" Drake starts, and Josh cuts him off.

"I'm sorry too." he says, and Drake grins.

"And you're here!"

"Yup," Josh says, grinning back.

"Awesome." Drake says, then he frowns a little, "so you're not hanging out with Thornton?"

"I did. Then I came to see you." Josh says, looking away a little, and Drake smiles again.

"Cool," he says, "so you wanna hear the set?"

"Definitely" Josh says, settling into a chair.

0000000000000000000000000000000000


	9. So unbreakable

**Author's Note: **A Drake chapter, the first of two in a row. Thanks to everyone reading this and leaving feedback. It warms my heart to hear people are enjoying this fic. More swearing in this chapter than there has been in past ones, but still not a lot. Just a warning.

With thanks to Megan, my 3am Beta.

**Disclaimer:** Not even a little bit mine, no matter how much I pout.

* * *

Something is still wrong. Drake can't figure out what it is, but something is still bugging him, pulling on the corners of his brain and refusing to let go. Josh had come to rehearsal, loved the new set, and made the drive to LA with Drake and the band. Now he's twenty minutes away from performing, the place is packed, and he's buzzing with pre-show adrenalin. So he can't figure out why he can't shake this nagging uneasy feeling. He runs a hand through his hair and then shakes it out before glancing around the room again. Josh is talking to the club's owner, gesturing a lot, and Drake grins. This is good. Whatever was bugging Josh seems to fading. It was a little weird earlier in the day, but things have been getting better all day, their conversations getting less strained. It all has to mean things are getting back to normal and that these last few days have just been some sort of weird fluke. He hopes that maybe the weird nagging in his brain is a result of these weird few days, and that it will go away soon.

"Drake?" a girl's voice cuts into his thoughts, and he turns to find one of his ex-girlfriends, Lucy, grinning at him.

"Lucy! Hey!" He says, grinning back.

"Do I get a hug?" She says, and he smiles again, pulling her into a tight hug.

'What are you doing here?" He asks when they pull back.

"My cousin's been working here for a few months, and he's always talking about how they get all these awesome unknown bands in, and how I should check it out. I finally made it down here this weekend, and your name was on the flier. How crazy is that?"

"Very crazy."

"You must be excited."

"Totally. This our first gig since graduation, and it's in LA. How awesome is that? Josh hooked it up."

"Josh takes good care of you," She observes, smiling.

"Best manager ever." Drake confirms.

"I guess you're going pretty good then huh? You look good." She says.

"I always do. You and I have that in common." He says, smirking, "how have you been? I heard you were going to like... somewhere... north-ish for school?"

"Seattle." She says, laughing, "Seattle University."

"I was close."

"Yeah. Sort of." she says, still giggling a little. He grins back and tries to think of one of those questions you're supposed to ask about college and the future, those questions everyone loves to ask you when you're 18. Drake hates those questions and those conversations, but he actually does kind of care how Lucy is doing, so he's trying to come up with the right thing to say, when Josh appears and tugs on his hand.

"Drake! Your band needs you on stage." Josh says, then he turns and glances at Lucy, "Hey Lucy." He says, smiling.

"Hi Josh." She says, waving. Drake sighs,

"Ok. I gotta go, but we should hang out before you leave." He says to Lucy.

"I'd like that." She says.

"Cool. I'll call you." He says, as Josh tugs on his arm again.

"Do you still have my number?"

"I think so. I don't remember getting rid of it." He says truthfully.

"Ok. Awesome." She says, then she makes a shooing motion with her hand, "go be amazing." She says.

"Yes. Listen to Lucy. It's time to be amazing. On stage." Josh says.

"I'm always amazing," Drake returns, smirking, but he does turn and head for the stage, waving to both of them as he goes.

000000000000000000000000000

"Ok. That was seriously awesome." Drake says, hours later. They've just gotten home after dropping the rest of the band off at their places. Drake sets his guitar down and collapses on to the couch, still buzzing from just how well the show went.

"I know!" Josh says and he's beaming in that big goofy happy Josh way of his, and that's awesome too. Ever since he walked off stage, Josh has been completely Josh again. He's been all compliments and grins and he hadn't even yelled at Drake for speeding on the way home. He sinks down next to Drake on the couch, and Drake grins.

"I can't believe they want me back next month." He says.

"Why wouldn't they? That crowd loved you dude."

"Yeah they really did." Drake says, smirking and leaning back, his frame almost brushing Josh's larger one.

"I think a couple of girls were crying." Josh puts in.

"It's that new ballad. Kirsten cried when I tested it out on her."

"I thought you were dating that Gretchen girl when you wrote that one?" Josh asks.

"Oh. Maybe. Whatever. Point is, that one is definitely going on the album." Drake says, and Josh rolls his eyes, but he's still beaming.

"The owner loved you too. I guess they get a lot of young acts in. He said you're the best they've had in years."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Right before he asked me if you could come back in July." Josh says.

"Awesome." Drake repeats.

"He also seemed impressed with my dedication to your career." Josh puts in.

"He's got good taste. He can tell I'm amazing and that you're the best manager ever. Smart guy."

"Well you did dedicate two songs to me, pointing out that I was the best manager ever."

"I think everyone needs to know." Drake says.

"Thanks," Josh says softly and Drake beams again. He's so happy about the show and things being back to normal with Josh that he actually bounces, making the whole couch shake, "Dude," Josh says, shaking his head and smiling affectionately.

"I can't sit still dude, I'm all giddy." Drake says.

"Giddy?" Josh questions.

"I didn't make that up did I? I think I've heard you say it."

"It's a real word. I'm impressed."

"Cool." Drake says, bouncing again, and Josh laughs.

"You should do that on your album cover." He says.

"Do what?"

"Bounce like that. It makes your hair go out all over the place, and your eyes get all big." Josh says. He reaches up a hand, a hand that makes it almost up to Drake's hair, before it falls back down again and Josh shakes his head.

"That's not really a rock look." Drake says, Josh blushes a little and puts his head down. He looks embarrassed, and Drake isn't sure why. So he does the first thing that comes to mind and closes the distance between them, pulling Josh into a hug. He scootches over till he's practically on Josh's lap. Josh's hug is a little stiff, but Drake figures he's just caught him off guard. He pulls back and runs a playful hand through Josh hair and a thumb over Josh's lips, and Josh jumps back.

"Don't." He says, scooting so far away he's almost on the other end of the couch.

"Don't what?" Drake asks, running a hand through his own hair, totally lost.

"You can't do things like that Drake." Josh says, looking down. The air between them has changed in the last thirty seconds and _shit_, things are weird again.

"Can't do things like what?"

"You can't just be... touching people!" Josh blurts.

"Dude what's wrong with you?" Drake asks, glaring at Josh.

"Me? I'm not the one with the hands and the no personal space and the- bad!" Josh rambles, he's still all red.

"Ok. Seriously what the hell is going on with you?"

"Nothing!"

"I didn't do anything! Why are you all freaked out?" Drake asks.

"You did." Josh says softly, staring intently at the couch cushions.

"I thought we were done with this."

"Done with what?"

"You being all weird. I thought things were better now." Drake says, pouting.

"I'm not-" Josh starts, then he stops and sighs, "It's been a weird few days, but you're not helping!"

"A weird few days how?" Drake asks.

"I can't really explain it."

"Why not? You always tell me things!"

"I _can't_." Josh says, looking up at Drake again.

"Are you mad at me?" Drake asks for the second time that day.

"No! Dude I told you I'm not- I just have a lot going on in my head."

"Then tell me about it!"

"I can't. Not right now anyway." Josh says pleadingly.

"Whatever." Drake says, standing up, "I'm going to bed. Maybe you can call Thornton and talk to him."

"When are you going to drop the Thornton thing?" Josh snaps.

"When are you going to start acting normal again?" Drake returns.

"Why do you hate Thornton?"

"He was mean to us, and now he's taking up like all your time."

"That was a year ago, and no he's not." Josh says, sighing again, and God how Drake hates that.

"Whatever. He is. He probably still hates me."

"He doesn't, and he's not taking up all my time. I just spent the past 8 hours with you!"

"Oh I'm sorry, did I keep you from time you could have spent with him?" Drake shoots back.

"Does it bother you that he's gay?" Josh asks, and Drake's jaw actually drops and he takes a step back.

"Dude," He says, "fuck Josh, really?" He asks, because he's too shocked and offended to come up with much of anything else. He doesn't get offended very often, and if anyone else had asked him a question like that, he wouldn't be. Josh isn't supposed to think of him that way though. Josh isn't supposed to think he's just shallow or image obsessed or whatever. Josh is supposed to know better, to know him better.

"Drake-" Josh says, blushing again, "I didn't mean, I just, you hate him and I-"

"I don't hate him because of who he sleeps with. I hate him because he's a jerk." Drake spits out, cutting him off.

"Drake," Josh says again, "I'm sorry. I just, you keep bringing him up and-"

"What did I do?" Drake says, cutting Josh off again and sitting back down on the couch.

"What?"

"You're obviously mad at me."

"I told you I'm not."

"Yeah well you also just asked me if I was one of the assholes that hates people just because they're gay or whatever. Like you thought I was going to beat your precious Thornton up behind The Premiere or something. So seriously, what did I do?"

"That's not what I asked you." Josh says.

"Whatever. " Drake says.

"And I haven't been mad at you. I'd be happier if you'd let the Thornton thing go, but I'm not mad at you."

"You were weird before I mentioned Thornton."

"Because you were being-" Josh starts, but he stops and stares at that couch.

"I hugged you!"

"You did more than that." Josh says.

"I did not. You're all freaked out over nothing."

"It's not nothing."

"What did I do that we don't _always_ do?" Drake asks, seriously puzzled and still really mad.

"Maybe we shouldn't do the things we always do anymore." Josh says, so softly it almost sounds like he's talking to himself.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's not normal." Josh says, still sounding faraway.

"What's not normal? Other than you?" Drake asks. He's seriously considering just smacking Josh across the face like he's a broken appliance. Talking sure as hell isn't working.

"You're my stepbrother." Josh says, staring at the wall.

"Josh!" Drake snaps. He waves a hand in front of Josh's face, and Josh looks up. "You're not making any sense!" Drake says.

"You just don't understand." Josh says, shaking his head.

"No one would. You're not making any sense." He says, and Josh stands up.

"I'm going to go." He says.

"It's like one in the morning. There's nowhere to go."

"Maybe not, but I can't be here right now." He says, looking at Drake with sad eyes, and Drake has never been this confused and angry in his entire life. He feels like maybe there is an answer to all this, one that's right in front of him, but he can't seem to reach it.

"Fine." He hisses. He doesn't want Josh to go, he never does, but he doesn't want to have his conversation anymore either. This conversation doesn't make any sense.

"I'll be back in the morning."

"Whatever." Drake says, glaring at him. Josh looks like he might say something else, but then he shakes his head, grabs a sweatshirt, and leaves the room. Drake leans over and hangs his head off the back of the couch. Blood rushes to his head, but he's already dizzy, so it doesn't make much difference. He lets out a long groan. He knows he should try and figure this out, Josh would probably suggest he make lists, if Josh wasn't the cause of the problem. His mind is spinning and he keeps playing little bits of their conversation back in his head. He sighs again and reaches into his pocket for his phone. He knows it's late, but he needs a distraction. He's not going to be able to sleep, and he really doesn't feel like pacing the room all night, thinking about Josh and driving himself crazy. So he scrolls down his contacts list highlights Lucy's name and hits send.

...


	10. Got so pretty

**Author's Note:** Another Drake chapter, in which things start to make sense to him.

**Disclaimer:** Not even close to being mine. Making disclaimers just rubs it in and makes me sad.

* * *

He's always been good at this. He's a fucking legend at this. Tonight he's like a nervous 9th grader. It took him five minutes to unhook her bra for christssakes. This is the best distraction he knows and it's just _not_ working. He can't seem to do anything that isn't awkward. His hands can't find any of the right spots, and all those tricks he's learned, tricks that should be making her bite her lip right about now to keep from screaming out his name, have left his mind. All he can see is Josh's face. There is a naked girl under him and he's still thinking about Josh. He keeps trying to clear his head and focus on the moment, but it's useless. He remembers that she was good at this too, but nothing her hands or mouth do is making the blood stop pumping to his brain where thoughts of Josh swim around fast and furious. That's when it occurs to Drake just how serious this all is. He signs, groans and roll off Lucy.

"Sorry." He breaths.

"Are you ok?" she asks, and he takes a second to be relieved that she sounds worried instead of offended.

"No. I don't think I am," He says, staring at the ceiling. She turns on her side, head propped up in her hand, studying him.

"What's going on Drake?"

"Josh." He says, which isn't really an answer, but it's the best he can come up with at the moment. She still looks worried and he wonders if he looks as confused as he feels right now, he thinks he probably does. Things are starting to slide into place in his mind, making a column of events that line up and add up to one thing.

"Josh?" she echoes. She shivers a little and he winces guiltily and pulls his blankets up over her.

"Sorry," He says again, and he means it. "I just- we're fighting."

"You and Josh? Don't you guys fight like all the time?"

"It's different. I think."

"Different how?"

"He's not just mad- it's like he's...worried or scared or something too." Drake says slowly, realizing just how true it is as he says it. He's not sure why he didn't see it earlier.

"Scared?"

"He said maybe we shouldn't do the things we always do anymore." Drake says, not as much answering as thinking out loud, "he jumped away from me, and this morning he said he spent all his time with me, like that was a bad thing- and Mindy, she said we cuddled."

"You two have always been... affectionate." Lucy says, still studying him.

"Josh likes hugs. I never used to." Drake says and he thinks, for the first time, that it all really might not be normal. That maybe between Josh's love of hugging and his love of physical contact of any sort, they've crossed a line of some sort. That maybe just because he likes to touch people, so he likes touching Josh, and Josh lets him, doesn't mean it's a good idea.

"But now?" Lucy asks.

"Josh is a good hugger. He has good shoulders." Drake says. He knows he's not really answering anything she's asking, but she doesn't seem to mind. "He's comfortable."

"Comfortable?"

"Sometimes we fall asleep on the couch together."

"Cuddling?" She asks.

"I- Maybe. Is that bad?" He asks, turning his head to look at her.

"I'm pretty sure cuddling is never bad," she says grinning a little, "but... do you feel weird about it?"

"Not really." He says, and what he means is, _not until about five minutes ago_, but he doesn't say that part. He likes falling asleep on the couch with Josh, he likes hugging Josh, and Drake doesn't normally question things he likes.

"Have you guys ever...like done stuff besides cuddling?" Lucy asks.

"He kissed me when I got him Oprah tickets. You know how Josh feels about Oprah." Drake says, and the way Lucy's eyebrows shoot up make him think maybe that was big deal too.

"Like... on the lips?" She asks.

"Yeah." He says. Lucy's mouth kind of just opens and closes silently and then she says,

"Ok. So...then what happens? Like what did you think?"

"That time? Nothing really. I was just kinda surprised."

"That time?" she repeats, and again, her surprised tone makes him think maybe he should have seen something was...unusual about his relationship with Josh along time ago.

"Yeah."

"So, you kissed more than once?" She asks.

"Just twice." He says, deciding not to include cheek kisses. He's not sure he can count all of those. Those can't possibly mean as much anyway- at least he doesn't think they can.

"What happened the second time?"

"I kissed him." Drake says, "See, we were in charge of getting this cake to our Aunt Catherine's wedding, but Trevor's car broke down on the way. And we got locked out of the car. Then we got robbed. Then this tow truck guys yelled at us, and then the car caught on fire. We were like a billion miles from the nearest exit, but we didn't have phones or anything, so we just had to start walking. We walked for like two hours, and then finally these old ladies stopped and gave us a ride. They drove like two miles an hour so it took forever and Josh talked to them about the 1800's or something the whole way." Drake says, shaking his head at the memory. He'd been tired and achy and grouchy, and Josh had been talking to the old people happily as if they hadn't just had the worst night ever. He'd rolled his eyes at Josh's...Joshness, and then tried to fall asleep on his shoulder.

"And then?" Lucy prompts, and Drake realizes he's stopped mid story and has been staring at the ceiling again.

"Oh. So we finally get home, and Josh makes us call Mom and Walter, so they know we're alive or whatever. Which took like another half an hour, because my mom was really mad that we didn't get the cake to the wedding. Even though it wasn't our fault at all. When we made it to our room, I was so tired I seriously don't think I could have made it all the way to my bed. We both just fell onto the couch. I was just so happy to be home, and done with walking and cars and cakes- that I leaned over and kissed Josh. And-" he trails off. He's never actually told anyone this, and he and Josh have never discussed it all. He hasn't thought about it much since, but suddenly it seems really important.

"And?" She asks.

"And it was just like a 'how awesome is it that we didn't die kiss?', which is a lot like an 'I'm so excited for Oprah kiss' right?" He asks.

"Right," She agrees, and he's pretty sure she's just humoring him, but he continues anyway.

"But, we were sitting this time, so I kinda like fell towards him, so it was," Drake pauses and searches for the right word, "softer? And there was a second when Josh kinda...moved his lips under mine a little, and I thought maybe we should just keep kissing. It just seemed like a really good idea."

"But you didn't?"

"No. We were so tired that we just kind of fell asleep." He says. That was another night when they'd just fallen asleep on the couch and he'd woken up in Josh's arms.

"Ok. But...you liked kissing Josh?" Lucy asks.

"I like everything I do with Josh." Drake says simply. Lucy bites her lips thoughtfully,

"Ok... but can you like, picture yourself kissing him again, or like.. doing more than kissing him?" She asks.

"Yes." He says instantly, because really- it's an easy mental picture to pull up, and it's a mental picture he really kind of likes. A lot.

"Have you thought about it before tonight?"

"I...think so. Yeah." He says remembering nights he'd fallen asleep to thoughts of Josh in compromising positions, or times he'd done things just so he and Josh could touch more or wrestle or hug or whatever, "does that make it extra stupid that I never really thought about it until now?" he asks.

"No... it's a weird situation. I think it would take anyone a long time to figure it all out." She says, and he thinks he's seriously going to have to write a song about her for being the coolest girl ever. He's pretty sure most of the girls he knows would not be having this conversation with him, especially given the way things had started out.

"You're awesome." He says.

"Thanks. I feel like I'm not really helping at all though." She says, looking doubtful.

"No. You are. You're awesome," he repeats. "Thank you. Seriously."

"You're welcome." She says smiling softly, "So what are you going to do know?"

"I don't know," he says, because he's still unsure of what all the things he's discovered tonight really mean, and he's even less sure what to do about them, "I mean, I don't want Josh to be angry or scared or freaked out, and I'm pretty sure making out with him won't help."

"Probably not, but maybe if you talked to him?"

"Maybe." He says, but he kind of doubts it.

"What is it that scares him? Like... what exactly is freaking him out?" She asks.

"Probably everything." Drake says. "Josh loves to freak out about things. He probably-" Drake stops as something else occurs to him. "Oh my God, that's why he asked about Thornton."

"What?"

"He asked me if the reason I didn't like Thornton was because he was gay!"

"Thornton Wellesley?" She asks.

"Oh. Yeah. Josh has been hanging out with him a lot. I have no idea why. He's seen him like a thousand times this week."

"Oh." She says, raising her eyebrows again, "Ok. So Josh has been spending time with him and you don't like it, and he asked if the reason you hated Thornton was because he's gay." She repeats, sounding like this whole thing is giving her a headache, and Drake is really going to have buy her dinner or something.

"Right."

"Even though the real reason you don't like him is because you're jealous."

"I guess so." He says, he hadn't thought of it that way- but it makes total sense when she says it, "but Josh- he asked about that after he got all freaked out when I hugged him... and ruffled his hair and touched his mouth...because he thinks he might be gay... and he's worried about what I'll think." He finishes, and as soon as he says it he's one hundred percent sure it's exactly what Josh is thinking. It makes Drake want to hug him again, only right now that would be bad idea.

"Wow. You have to talk to him." She says, and he groans and pulls a pillow out from under his head and puts it down over his head.

"I hate it when things are hard," He says into the pillow, groaning again.

"Does... does it scare you at all? The gay thing?"

"No." He says, puling the pillow off his face and turning to look at her, slightly puzzled by her question.

"Do you think you're like... bisexual?" She asks.

"Maybe. Does it matter?" He asks, still puzzled. He's not sure why figuring out that he'd kind of like to shove Josh against a wall and make out with him means he has to define himself, as anything except 'in love with Josh,' anyway.

"No. I just meant- does anything about the idea of being with Josh scare you?" She asks.

"He's leaving." Drake says, "He's going across the country."

"He's leaving no matter what happens though."

"I know but-" He trails off uncomfortably. He hates to admit how much he'll miss Josh, how much he needs Josh. That's the scary part. Kissing is fun, sex is fun- Josh leaving him? That's terrifying.

"But what?" she asks.

"I already need him. I already hate doing things with out him. So-" he trails off again, staring at the ceiling for the millionth time this conversation.

"So... you're afraid of becoming even more dependant on him when he's about to leave?" She says.

"It would be scary even if he wasn't leaving." Drake admits softly.

"Needing someone always is."

"Yeah?"

"Always, but it's not really something you can help." She says, sounding a little sad.

"You've been there?" He asks.

"Right now. We're fighting too." She says, "I don't even remember what about. I think it had something to do with college. I've been mad at him all week though."

"Is that why you're here?" He asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. Kind of." She says, wincing a little, "I was trying really hard to you know, not need him. Sorry."

"No reason to be sorry." He says, smiling a little, "Did it help at all?"

"Being here and talking to you about your problems- just makes me think about him more," Lucy admits.

"That sucks." Drake says.

"Yeah. Although maybe there's a good lesson here for both of us?"

"A lesson?"

"Don't have sex with an ex just to try and get someone else out of your head?" She suggests, grinning sheepishly, "Probably not a good plan on either of our parts."

"I guess not," he says, kissing the top of her head affectionately, "so you want to tell me about him?"

"You think you could help?" She asks.

"Probably not. But I owe it to you to at least try."

...


	11. help me pull through

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the delay. Thanks again to each and every person who has read and reviewed the story so far.

**Disclaimer:** Still not even close to being mine. Very sad.

* * *

Josh doesn't know exactly when he fell asleep- or where he fell asleep for that matter. All he knows upon waking up is that he's not in his room, and that there are eyes on him. He can't figure out why he's not at home or why his head is pounding or why his stomach is knots. He stares at the unfamiliar ceiling for a minute, running a hand along the unfamiliar couch, before he turns his head and looks over to see Craig and Eric watching him and looking worried.

_Oh. Right. _He's suddenly having flashes of freaking out at and then fighting with Drake, of laying on the floor of Robbie Carmicheal's tree house for an hour, of calling Craig asking for a place to stay, of laying on the couch in the basement for hours, unable to sleep- not his best night.

"Hey. What time is it?" He manages, stretching out his arms and sitting up.

"Early. It's only around eight," Craig says, shooting Eric a worried glance.

"Oh," Josh says. Several questions spin around in his head, but he decides they can wait and says, "Thanks for letting me crash here. I'm sorry for coming over in the middle of the night like that."

"You're welcome," Craig says.

"Why'd you need to stay here anyway?" Eric asks, and Craig glares at him,

"He just woke up!" Craig snaps.

"So?"

"So maybe he doesn't want to talk about it!"

"Maybe he does," Eric returns, rolling his eyes.

"Maybe you shouldn't push people."

"I do not push people. You just-"

"Guys!" Josh cuts in, "no fighting."

"Sorry," they mumble in unison.

"Do you want some breakfast? Coffee? Anything?" Craig asks.

"Sure, coffee sounds good," Josh says. They all stand up and head up the stairs. Craig and Eric head for the kitchen and Josh excuses himself to the bathroom. He briefly considers banging his head off the door, but the fact that his head is already pounding makes him decide against it. He can hear Craig and Eric scurrying around in the kitchen; they're talking in hushed, worried tones and he feels terrible. At this rate he's going to chase off every friend he has by the Forth of July. He's not really sure why he'd thought coming here was such a good idea last night. He should have known that showing up at a friend's house in the middle of the night looking for a place to sleep is a really good way to get people worried about you. Somehow, that hadn't occurred to him at three am. Groaning, he splashes some cold water on his face and then heads out and into the kitchen.

"Hi. Coffee's almost ready," Craig says.

"Did you want cereal too? I got a couple boxes out, and some milk," Eric says.

"I don't have much of an appetite," Josh admits, "Do you need help with anything? I could get mugs or-" Josh starts, rambling a little because the worried looks Eric and Craig are still shooting him are making him feel terribly guilty. He wants to help somehow, even if getting coffee isn't really even a two person job, let alone a three person one.

"No. The mugs are already out and this should be done any second and just um- have a seat?" Craig says awkwardly as the coffee maker beeps. He pours the coffee into three mugs while Eric sets some sugar on the table and Josh sits down feeling awkward and helpless.

"Sorry," he says to them as soon as everyone is sitting down, "I didn't mean to worry you guys."

"It's ok." Craig says.

"We want to help." Eric puts in.

"What's going on Josh?" Eric asks.

"I-how early did you guys get up? When did you have time to call Eric?" Josh says to Craig, trying to buy a few minutes before he has to tell them something and talking about his problems.

"I was already here," Eric says.

"My parents are still in San Francisco. I couldn't get out of work on Friday so I had to come back without them," Craig says.

"Oh." Josh says, remembering suddenly that he hadn't really said much to Craig last night. He'd called him from the car and asked to stay, and by the time he'd gotten there ten minutes later, Craig had already set the basement couch up with blankets and a pillow. He's pretty sure all he managed to do was a mutter a quick _thank you_, before burying his head in the pillow and trying to fall asleep. It hadn't gone very well, he thinks it was probably around five am by the time he managed to relax at all.

"Yeah, and we always get up early." Eric says.

"It's good to have a healthy sleep cycle." Craig adds, and they grin at each other for a second before turning their attention back to Josh.

"So are you ok? I've been worried about you since Thursday," Eric says and Josh narrows his eyes at him across the table, despite his talks with Thornton, Josh still thinks it might have been better for everyone if this had just stayed unexplored. So for a minute he wonders if lashing out at Eric and telling him that this is all his fault would make him feel any better. Then he decides that yelling at people who are just trying to help is probably a really good way to speed up that friendless by The Forth of July thing he's trying to avoid, so he takes a sip of coffee and says,

"Not really."

"What happened?" Craig asks.

"It's been a really weird, really long couple of days." Josh says, "and I think things are going to stay weird."

"Weird how?" Eric asks.

"Like, with everything. Mostly with Drake," Josh says.

"Are you guys fighting?" Eric asks.

"Is that why you couldn't sleep at home?" Craig adds.

"They fight all the time and he sleeps at home then." Eric puts in.

"Will you let him answer?" Craig shoots back.

"I'm fighting with Drake. Sort of." Josh says, ignoring their bickering.

"Sort of?" Eric asks.

"I'm not fighting with Drake because I'm mad at Drake. I'm fighting with Drake because I'm mad at myself and I couldn't sleep at home because being in our room just felt really wrong all of the sudden." Josh admits softly.

"Why are you mad at yourself?" Craig asks.

"I tried really hard you know?" Josh asks, "I tried really hard to stay away a little, to keep my distance while I tried to figure things out, and then he's all hurt that I'm not spending time with him, and then he's yelling about Thornton, and then calling to say he's sorry for yelling about Thornton, and saying he needs me and I-" Josh trails off and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

"You were trying to stay away from Drake?" Eric asks, looking a little guilty. Josh nods and looks down at the table.

"Yeah, only then I ended up going to his rehearsal and then we drove to his show and was so awesome. I mean he's always awesome, but it was like even better than usual, and he dedicated songs to me, and we got home and we were all happy- and then I told him he should bounce on his album cover cause it makes his eyes big and then he touched me and I freaked out, and then I left and-" Josh stops rambling and looks up at Craig and Eric, "I tried. I really did- but then we were right back where we always are, and I couldn't, I'm such an idiot." He finishes, unsure if any of that has made any sense at all to Craig and Eric, but a little relieved to have said out loud.

"What do you mean Drake touched you and you freaked out?" Craig asks.

"He just he hugged me, and he touched my hair, and then he kinda ran his hand over my mouth."

"And that freaked you out because you...didn't want him to do that?" Craig asks, shooting Eric a look.

"No. I did want him to. I think. I don't know, we always do stuff like that, but for the past few days it all feels like it's somehow more. I've been wondering all these things about Drake, and thinking all these things, and so he can't be touching me like that because I, I just, it's bad." Josh finishes.

"You only started wondering about Drake a few days ago?" Eric asks, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

"Yes!" Josh says quickly, then he sighs and relents, "Well, ok. No, I guess not. But now I can't stop wondering. It's like all I think about. I want to be able to control my thoughts again. I want to go back to Thursday morning- only I can't because now when I think about Thursday morning I have to actually think about the fact that I woke up with Drake practically on my lap." Josh finishes. Craig and Eric are silent for a minute, obviously trying to come up with something helpful to say. Finally, Craig takes a deep breath and says,

"Ok. So correct me if I'm wrong here, but the reason you're freaked out and mad at yourself is because you really like Drake touching you, and being on your lap, and you keep wondering if there is anyway you can make that, and more, happen more often?"

"Yeah. Pretty much," Josh says, wincing a little.

"You should tell him." Eric says, in that same, _'I make terribly awkward and painful things sound easy_' tone he'd used on Thursday. Josh isn't sure when Eric had learned that, but he's considering murdering whoever taught him- or possibly sending Megan after them.

"I can't tell him!" Josh says.

"I think you have to," Craig says, sounding slightly apologetic.

"How can I tell him?" Josh shoots back, "I can't tell him this."

"Yes you can." Eric says.

"No. I can't." Josh says, glaring at both of them.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Craig says.

"Yeah. I mean I really don't think this is one-sided Josh. He could be really happy about this, maybe-" Eric starts

"Yeah. Or he could freak out and never speak to me again." Josh says, cutting him off.

"Drake could never stop speaking to you." Craig says.

"He wouldn't last a day." Eric adds.

"He could if he hated me." Josh says miserably.

"Do you really think he'd hate you?" Eric asks.

"I- no." Josh admits, "I guess not. Drake doesn't really hate anyone, except maybe Ms. Hayfer, but he could be really weirded out. It could ruin things and make them all weird forever."

"Um, doesn't you leaving the house in the middle of the night kinda make things weird too?" Eric asks, and Josh groans and hits his head off the table, headache be dammed, because it's the only response he can come up with. Eric has a point. Josh is really starting to question his own intelligence. He's been hearing how smart he is his entire life, but now he's thinking that may have all been a lie, or possibly a conspiracy to make him feel extra stupid at this moment.

"You really should just talk to him," Craig says gently, putting a comforting hand on Josh's shoulder.

"What would I even say?" Josh says, head still on the table.

"Well what do you want?" Eric asks.

"What do you mean?" Josh asks, picking his head up.

"If you had it your way what would happen? What do you want your relationship with Drake to be?" Eric asks.

"Whatever Drake wants it to be?" Josh suggests.

"Josh-" Eric starts, but Josh cuts him off again.

"I mean, the most important thing is that I'm still in Drake's life. That he doesn't freak out and hate me. I can't really want more than that," Josh says, "That would be more than enough anyway." He finishes, shaking his head. He means it too. Sure he's had fantasies that ended much, much better. There have been times in the past few days, well the past few years truthfully, but more so in the past few days, when he's imagined him and Drake living happily ever after, with a lot of grins and kissing and sometimes he even gets as far as clothes coming off before he stops himself. He's pretty sure though, that realistically, the most he can hope for is for a place in Drake's life, and it would be enough. He would be whatever Drake wanted him to be for the rest of their lives. He thinks could be ok with that.

"I think your expectations are way too low," Eric says, "I really do."

"I agree." Craig says.

"I don't." Josh says, shrugging again. A part of him points out all the things it's been pointing out for the past few days, the things that seem to say Craig and Eric are right. Josh ignores it because sometimes, the possibility that Craig and Eric are right is just as scary as the possibility of Drake freaking out. It's a different kind of scary, not a soul gripping terror like the idea of Drake hating him, but still a kind of scary that makes his whole body shake and his stomach leap to his throat, and he's not sure he can handle that either. He's not sure he can handle any of this, but it's too late now.

"I-" Eric starts, but he's cut off again, this time by Craig.

"You are going to talk to him though right?" He asks.

"I don't think I can." Josh says.

"You can't just not go home, and I know you can't lie to him," Craig says.

"I know." Josh says.

"Talk to him," Craig repeats, squeezing Josh's shoulder. Josh sighs,

"I guess I can try." He says.

"Good." Eric says.

"It'll be ok," Craig says. Josh doesn't believe him, but he nods anyway.

"I should go. I have to be at work later. I need to shower and stuff," Josh says.

"And talk to Drake," Eric puts in.

"And talk to Drake," Josh echoes, standing up, "Thanks guys."

"Of course," Eric says.

"What are friends for?" Craig adds, grinning.

"I'm sorry for worrying you guys, and waking you up in the middle of the night, and for not making any sense." Josh says.

"You made perfect sense." Craig says.

"And we're happy to help. Really." Eric says.

"You guys are great." Josh says, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." The say, practically in unison, and Josh grins slightly. They all walk to the door, and Josh pulls Craig and Eric into quick hugs, thanking them again before he heads for the car.

"Josh?" Craig calls from the door.

"Yeah?"

"It'll be ok." Craig repeats, smiling.

"Good luck." Eric adds. Josh just nods and waves, and jumps in the car. He notices as he turns the car on that his head has stopped pounding, but his stomach? That's in more knots than ever.

...

"


	12. Loss of Control

********

Author's Note:

I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again before this fic is through- Teenage boys are pushy. They keep pushing my plot points around.

For Katie who has conversations with me about things like Walter watching the Disney channel.

****

Disclaimer:

I still own nothing, even though, at this point Thornton is pretty much an OC. He's still not really mine. Very sad.

* * *

It's Wednesday by the time Josh manages to talk to Drake. It's Wednesday by the time he's home and awake for longer than half and hour. He's been avoiding the house, avoiding Drake because despite his conversation with Craig and Eric, he just hasn't been ready. He's been terrified and hiding. He's been working overtime at the Premiere, spending time with Thornton and hanging out at the Jonathan Anne's, reading through every self-help book they have. All the books seem to frown on hiding from problems, but Josh is pretty sure the writers have never fallen for their stepbrothers, so he ignores those pages. He's still terrified that talking to Drake could ruin everything, and the fact that Drake hasn't called or stopped by The Premiere or tried to find him at all only adds to that fear. He alternates between being relieved that hiding is working so well, and being really hurt that Drake hasn't found him. By Tuesday, hurt is winning out, and he's starting to miss Drake so much that the pain in his chest actually overpowers the nervous knots that have been in his stomach for almost two weeks now.

On Wednesday morning Josh tries to go in to The Premiere unscheduled, again, but Helen stops him at the door,

"Since when do I pay for over time?" she asks.

"Since I started helping with payroll?" Josh offers.

"Nice try."

"You don't have to pay me," Josh suggests, "I'll just stay here and...clean your office?"

"Go home Josh," She says.

"But I-"

"This movie theater is a place for customers to spend money. Not for my employees to avoid their step brothers." Helen says.

"I'm not avoiding anyone. I just want to get in more hours. I'm saving up for-"

"A class on how to lie without sounding like a fool?" She says, glaring at him. Josh sighs.

"I- I'll just go home now." He says.

"You do that." She says.

Josh really is tempted to go home after that. Really, if even Helen can see he's avoiding Drake, that's probably a sign this has gone on long enough. But he chickens out while pulling out of the parking lot and pulls out his phone to call Thornton instead. They meet for coffee half an hour later.

"What's up with the uniform?" Thornton asks once they're sitting down.

"I tried to go to work this morning." Josh says.

"Tried?"

"Helen kicked me out."

"You got fired?" Thornton asks, sounding shocked.

"No!" Josh says quickly, "I wasn't scheduled."

"Ah."

"Yeah." Josh says.

"So are you going to tell me about your fight with Drake?" Thornton asks.

"Is it that obvious?"

"It's been obvious all week. I didn't want to push, but I figured at this point-" Thornton trails off, shrugging.

"The point where I'm trying to avoid Drake by going into work, only to get sent home?"

"Yeah. That point. So what's going on?"

"The same thing that's been going on." Josh says, taking a long sip of coffee.

"Which is?"

"It's just," Josh pauses, "I normally tell Drake everything, but lately I have all these thoughts I can't tell him. So I'm always nervous and he's always hurt. It's not good."

"Why can't you tell him what you're thinking?" Thornton asks.

"I don't want to make things weird."

"Doesn't avoiding him make things weird too?" Thornton asks, echoing Eric's question of a few days ago.

"Everyone keeps saying that." Josh complains.

"Saying what?"

"Like, 'don't avoid your problems' and 'talk to Drake,' and 'stop hiding from your life.' Things like that," Josh says.

"It's probably good advice."

"Probably, but talking could make things worse." Josh says.

"Worse than working extra hours so you don't have to be at home?"

"It could be," Josh says.

"Is it-" Thornton stops then sighs, "is it because the thoughts you're having are _about_ Drake?"

"Most of them." Josh admits.

"Thought so."

"So... that's obvious too?" Josh asks, he's still a bit thrown by the fact that everyone around him seems to have seen this coming. Even people like Thornton, who haven't known him for very long at all.

"Yeah," Thornton says, "I wish it wasn't." He adds softly, looking down.

"What?" Josh asks, totally lost.

"Are you always this unaware?" Thornton asks, smiling a little.

"I- maybe?" Josh asks, "people keeping tell me I am? Unaware of what?"

"How much other people like you. How much I like you," Thornton says, blushing a little.

"Oh. I. Oh. Really?" Josh manages, and he's blushing too.

"Yeah. You were totally unaware huh?"

"Sorry?" Josh says, still bright red.

"It's ok. It's kind of cute." Thornton says.

"I- Really?" Josh asks again.

"Yeah. And I'm a masochist."

"A masochist?" Josh echoes faintly.

"Well yeah, I mean it's not like I didn't know."

"Didn't know what?" Josh asks, still blushing, but relieved he can form full sentences again.

"That you were in love with Drake." Thornton says simply.

"I'm- you- Oh," Josh blurts and well, sentences were nice while they lasted.

"Obvious." Thornton says again.

"When-how- did?"

"That first time we talked at the bookstore." Thornton says.

"Oh."

"Yeah. I was kinda hoping I was imagining it."

"I-" Josh takes a deep breath and tries to formulate an intelligent response to anything Thornton has said. it takes him a minute, but in the end he goes with, "Eric said you were flirting with me. I didn't believe him," because the Thornton stuff is still a little less scary than the Drake stuff.

"No. I was," Thornton says.

"I didn't-" Josh starts,

"I know." Thornton says cutting him off, "it's cool. Like I said, it's not like I didn't know it would never happen. I mean I did consider just jumping you a couple times, but I stopped myself."

"Seriously?" Josh asks, blushing all the way down to his feet now.

"Yeah. I couldn't though. You're just so, nice, and innocent and you know- unaware. Taking advantage would have been bad," Thornton says.

"I have got to work on being less oblivious. I'm sorry," Josh says.

"Don't be sorry." Thornton says, and Josh marvels at how _calm_ Thornton has remained during this conversation, "I mean, you do love Drake right?"

"Yeah. I love Drake," he says, repeating Thornton's words, and savoring the way saying them out loud feels on his tongue. It's not something he's been able to do until now.

"Yeah and I knew that. So it's my fault. Masochist and all. But still, you know you have to tell him though right?"

"I know."

"As soon as possible," Thornton says.

"You think? Cause I'm still afraid it will ruin everything." Josh says.

"It might. I don't think it will, but it might," Thornton says, "but avoiding him? That will _definitely_ ruin everything."

"Yeah but-"

"Right now, he could be thinking you hate him. Isn't that worse?" Thornton says, cutting him off.

"Yeah. You're right." Josh says, slowly, "I don't want him to be hurt, I'm just scared."

"You can do it. You have to do it." Thornton says.

"I know." Josh says.

"You should go. Right now."

"Right now?"

"Now," Thornton confirms.

"But- we're having coffee." Josh says, taking a sip of his now ice cold coffee and wincing, "Oh." he says.

"Yeah. I think we're done with the coffee. So you should go."

"Well, what are you going to do?" Josh asks. He's stalling but he's not panicking, and weirdly his stomach isn't flipping.

"I think I'm going to go hit on that guy with the laptop. He looks lonely." Thornton says, nodding his head toward a college looking guy sitting a few tables away.

"I-" Josh shakes his head, "You're like, really cool." He says.

"I try." Thornton says, smiling, "now go."

"I should."

"You need to," Thornton says. Josh stands up,

"So, I'm going to do it," he says.

"Good." Thornton says, still smiling.

"Good luck with the laptop guy."

"Good luck with Drake,"

"Thanks," Josh says and he's smiling too.

"Call me and let me know how it goes?" Thornton asks.

"Of course," Josh says, "and seriously Thornton, thank you."

"No problem." Thornton says, then he points at the door, "Go!" he repeats,

"I'm gone," Josh says, waving and smiling.

He drives home in silence, rehearsing what to say to Drake. He parks in front and says a quick prayer, he's not sure higher powers really approve of confessing love to your stepbrother, but he figures it can't hurt. He slips through the front door, half expecting the house to be empty and finds Drake sitting on the couch in the living room. Drake is leaning back, feet up on the table, TV on, guitar in his lap. Normally when Drake sits like this he looks relaxed, today he looks defeated, and it makes Josh's stomach flip a little. Josh just looks at him for a minute, feeling guilty, then he shuts the door and walks over to the couch. Drake hasn't moved yet, hasn't said, 'hello', or lifted his head up or done at all to acknowledge he's even heard Josh come home. Josh thinks this might be a bad sign.

"Hey." Josh says softly, sitting down on the couch.

"Hi." Drake says without looking up from his guitar.

"So what are you- is this the Disney Channel?" Josh asks after an awkward pause, shooting a glance at the TV.

"Walter." Drake says, "didn't feel like changing it."

"Oh." Josh says, and they're silent for a long minute while Josh tries to think of something, anything to say and Drake stares down at his guitar.

"What show is this?" Josh asks, then feels stupid. He's been trying to think of what to say to Drake for days, and now that he's finally gathered the courage to talk to him, he's making small talk about the TV. If Drake thinks it's a stupid question, he doesn't show it. His eyebrows don't raise up, he doesn't smirk, or roll his eyes or do anything Josh expects him to.

"That one about the dude with the hot step sister," Drake replies, still not looking up.

"Oh." Josh says.

"It's Wednesday," Drake says after a minute.

"I know," Josh says.

"Not Sunday,"

"I know," Josh says again.

"So where were you?" Drake asks.

"I- I'm sorry." Josh says, "I was working extra hours and-"

"Avoiding me?" Drake asks, and God, Josh wishes Drake would look at him, or least stop talking in that flat, emotionless tone of voice.

"A little," he admits, "I was just, I mean- you didn't call or anything." Josh says, and he knows that's not really an answer at all, but he really is surprised Drake hadn't called, or showed up at the Premiere, or done anything at all.

"I waited for you on Sunday. All day. I guess you snuck home while I was dropping Lucy off, because I was home the whole rest of the day. I fell asleep on the couch waiting for you." Drake says.

"I saw you." Josh says.

"You didn't wake me up."

"No."

"Yeah. I didn't think you wanted me to call." Drake says.

"I always-" Josh starts then shakes his head, "are you mad at me?" he asks.

"Yes." Drake says.

"Yes?"

"Yes. I'm mad at you," Drake says, turning, putting his feet down on the floor and finally looking at Josh, anger creeping into his tone for the first time. Josh winces,

"Oh."

"All I wanted was this summer dude, and you haven't been here. At all."

"We went to L. A." Josh protests, "And summer is only like three weeks old, we have time."

"Time for what? For you to avoid me more?" Drake asks.

"That's not fair." Josh says.

"It's like you're already gone." Drake says bitterly, "you have all that college time to avoid me. You couldn't have waited?"

"I'm not enjoying this either!" Josh says, "It's not like I'm ruining our summer on purpose! Things just got really confusing."

"You keep saying crap like that." Drake observes, shaking his head.

"I know. It's true though. I've been trying to figure things out. Things about you mostly," Josh admits.

"Why'd you come home?" Drake asks, ignoring Josh's confession.

"To talk to you?"

"Why today? Why not yesterday, or next week, or when we're like 80?" Drake asks, and Josh winces again. Drake just sounds so angry and hurt, and it's making it hard for Josh to make his case.

"I missed you," Josh says simply, which is true, even if it isn't the whole truth. He's pretty sure bringing up Thornton right now wouldn't help at all.

"Really?" Drake asks. He sounds less angry now, so Josh scoots a little closer to him on the couch.

"Of course, dude Drake, I'm not avoiding you because I don't want to see you, I've just been working through a lot of stuff." Josh says.

"So have I." Drake says.

"You have?"

"Yeah well, I had to try and figure out why you were being all weird. It was really bothering me," Drake says.

"I'm sorry."

"People kept talking to me about you too. I couldn't think about anything else. Plus, you know, you weren't here. Lots of time to think," Drake says.

"I'm here now." Josh offers..

"Till when?" Drake asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Aren't you going to get mad and freak out then storm out any second now?"

"No. I came home to tell you something." Josh says.

"And then you're going to leave again? Go get some coffee? Work extra hours?" Drake asks, tugging on Josh's red Premiere vest a little.

"No. Drake. I'm back, I promise." Josh says, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah? Why?" Drake asks, still looking skeptical.

"I. Ok dude just listen ok? Ever since I broke up with Mindy I've been thinking all these things, and people kept telling me- Well Eric said, and then I- It was- and you-so I though, you and me-" Josh stops, realizing he's rambling and looks over at Drake who rolls his eyes and smiles slightly. He puts his guitar down and leans closer to Josh,

"Dude," He says, and then he leans over and kisses Josh softly, and it's like that time they kissed after not going to Aunt Catherine's wedding, only this time they're not half asleep, and this time Drake is putting his hand on Josh's shoulder, and their lips are moving against each others a little, and Drake isn't' kissing him because he's glad to be home and alive, he's kissing him because- because he _knows._ Drake pulls back after a second or two and smiles a little.

"Oh." Josh breathes, shaking a little, because he thinks this changes everything. He wants to talk forever now. He wants to tell Drake everything and he wants to ask him a million questions- but he also wants to kiss Drake again. He needs to kiss Drake again, so he leans in, and Drake smiles, and then they're kissing, and Josh is pulling Drake close, so close that Drake is on his lap about thirty seconds later. Not that Josh minds.

000000000


	13. Want you so bad

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get up. Really. Thank you all so much for your patience. Extra thanks as always to Katie, who reads my stuff for me, and answers my paranoid questions.

* * *

Drake is attacking the buttons on Josh's blue oxford when it occurs to him that he's still mad at Josh. The thought actually stops him completely and he pulls back and looks at Josh. Josh's cheeks are all flushed, and his eyes are wide, and it is one of the hottest things Drake has ever seen. A large part of him wants to lean back down and kiss Josh again, but he doesn't. For the first time in Drake's life the talking part seems more important than the kissing part, even if the kissing part is even better than he thought it would be. So much better.

"I'm still mad at you," He says, trying to look serious. Of course, it would probably help if he wasn't still on Josh's lap, but whatever. Drake only has so much will power.

"You kissed me," Josh says, looking totally baffled.

"I had to," Drake replies.

"You had to?"

"Yeah. You were rambling and getting all freaked out again. I thought kissing you might help," Drake explains, waving a hand.

"What?" Josh asks. Drake sighs,

"Kissing you helps us skip the weirdness of talking about wanting to kiss. Or at least it was supposed to," he says.

"You-" Josh starts, then stops, blushes, and runs a hand through his hair, "You don't think we should talk about that part?" He asks, still looking totally stunned. Drake isn't exactly sure by what. Probably everything.

"Not really," Drake says, shrugging.

"But, dude, Drake, this is like a big deal. A huge deal, I mean we can't just- we can't, I mean this is huge."

"The thing is, it's not."

"How is not?" Josh demands.

"You were all worried right? That'd I'd think it was weird, or be freaked or whatever right?" Drake prompts.

"Well yeah but-" Josh starts, and Drake cuts him off.

"Ok. So now you know I'm all for the kissing. And the- us," Drake says, gesturing back and forth between the two of them and wiggling a little on Josh's lap before setting his feature and trying to look serious again.

"Really?" Josh asks, gasping a little. Drake scoffs and leans down to kiss him, just for a second, pulling back before he gets carried away again.

"Yes really," He says shaking his head. Josh blushes again, then takes a deep breath.

"Ok, but Drake, I want to do more than make out with you," He says. Drake raises an eyebrow and smirks, "Oh. Um. No that's not what I meant." Josh fumbles, "I mean not that I'm opposed to- I mean. Crap." He finishes, breaking off and burying his heads in his hands, "I swear I used to be able to speak in full sentences," he mutters into his hands.

"No you didn't," Drake says, grinning a little. He likes seeing Josh this flustered. It's not getting them anywhere, and Drake still is a little mad at Josh, but this is helping. Not as much as the kissing, but it is helping. Josh takes another deep breath,

"I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you," Josh admits, and he's actually shaking when he says it, and it makes Drake want to give up on the talking thing again and just attach his lips to Josh's for the rest of forever, but something stops him.

"Good," He says.

"Good?" Josh echoes.

"Well yeah, cause I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you too," Drake says, and even though Josh said it first, Drake feels a little bit like hiding once the words leave his mouth. Only hiding would require leaving Josh's lap, and Drake is very seriously considering spending the rest of his life on Josh's lap.

"Oh," Josh says, turning a shade of red Drake's not sure he's ever seen anyone turn before.

"Yeah, so since we're both thinking the same thing, neither of us has to join the army, or turn into a woman," Drake says, remembering his own advice to Josh, almost two years ago now.

"That is a good thing," Josh says.

"A very good thing. You make an ugly woman dude," Drake says, kissing Josh again as he says it.

"Ms. Nancy was very attractive!" Josh sniffs, but then he kisses Drake back and smiles a little, "so like, you mean it?" He asks.

"Of course I do," Drake returns, and Josh grins, then blushes again.

"Man, I was so sure you wouldn't," He says, "I thought you'd hate me."

"Yeah. We have to work on that," Drake says.

"Work on what?"

"Your whole, 'totally unaware of how awesome you are,' thing. It makes you do things like avoid me. Then I get mad at you."

"Are you still mad?" Josh asks.

"A little," Drake says, fiddling with Josh's collar.

"I'm sorry," Josh says sincerely. It's a little unnerving, to have Josh keep apologizing to him because Drake is so used to being the one doing the apologizing.

"I was afraid you were gone forever. That you'd never talk to me again," Drake admits.

"I handled this really badly huh?" Josh asks.

"You did."

"You didn't help!" Josh says, tugging on a strand of Drake's hair.

"What?"

"With your crazy yelling about Thornton and your accusing me of being weird and avoiding you," Josh says.

"You were being weird and avoiding me," Drake says.

"Yeah, but-" Josh stops and blushes again, "were you jealous of Thornton?" He asks.

"I- yeah I guess so," Drake says.

"You guess so?"

"I don't know. You were spending way more time with him than you were with me. I hated that," Drake admits, "I really just wanted us to have this summer." He says. Josh shakes his head,

"Why is this summer so important?"

"Because it's the end."

"The end of what?" Josh asks.

"Of everything. You're leaving and I'm leaving. We'll be so far apart."

"We'll still see each other. All the time," Josh says.

"No we won't," Drake says, "and you won't need me anymore. Not at all."

"Drake-" Josh starts, but Drake cuts him off again.

"Everything changes in the fall. I just wanted out last summer to be awesome."

"Dude, everything is changing right now. Today." Josh says, "I'm in love with you. That kinda outweighs everything else."

"Until you leave."

"Until always," Josh says, and Drake shakes his head. He still doesn't believe Josh. The thought of Josh leaving still makes him want to curl up in a corner and never come out, but right now Josh is smiling at him, and he can feel Josh's heart beating in his chest, and he thinks they've got time before that day comes. Time he plans to make the most of.

"Whatever you say," He says, leaning down to kiss Josh. Within minutes he's back to attacking those buttons on Josh's oxford, and he's moved his lips away from Josh's lips and towards his neck, grinning when he hears Josh whimper a little.

"Dude," Josh says, pulling back a little, "have you done this before?"

"Done what before?" Drake asks, rolling his eyes. He thought undoing Josh's buttons was a pretty clear sign that they were done talking for now. Apparently not.

"Kissed a guy."

"No," Drake says, his hands drifting down to untuck the blue oxford.

"And it's not weird for you?" Josh asks, gulping as Drake unfastens the last few buttons on his shirt.

"Only the part where you keep talking," Drake says.

"Oh," Josh says, turning red again.

"Shhh," Drake says, putting a finger on Josh's lips and grinning deviously, before using both hands to remove Josh's shirt entirely. Josh has a shirt on underneath it, a thin little white one that fits him so well Drake wants to ask him to wear everyday, but then he gets a hand under it and onto the soft skin of Josh's stomach and he decides against encouraging Josh to wear clothes. Josh gulps again, and makes another one of those little whimpering noises, and it makes Drake want to kiss him again. So he does, attaching his lips to Josh's as both of his hands find their way under Josh's shirt. Josh's mouth opens under his and God this is awesome. So awesome that Drake is really regretting not having done it years ago, and Drake never regrets anything. Kissing girls is a lot of fun, Drake doesn't regret that part. He just regrets not also kissing Josh, because kissing Josh makes his whole body warm and electric and it makes the corners of his brain kind melt in a little with the pleasure and the awesome of it all. Josh's hands are on Drake's hips, but they keep drifting lower and lower, so slow it's almost as if Josh isn't aware of it. Or is unsure of the path they're on. So Drake helps him out and shifts a little, so that Josh's fingers can run around the back pockets of his jeans. Josh's mouth is like, impossibly warm, and his skin is just begging to be touched, and Drake is looking forward to exploring every inch of it. He smiles against Josh's mouth and starts to pull his white undershirt up when a voice cuts into his haze.

"Oh. My. God." Megan says, Drake looks up to find her in the kitchen doorway, gasping at them.

"Me- Megan?" He manages, taking his hands off of Josh's shirt. It's more than Josh gets out, he just shifts a little and mutters something that if he were anyone other than Josh, Drake would have been sure was, 'fuck.'

"Oh my God," Megan says again. Her eyes are bigger than Drake has ever seen them, and she seems to be wrestling with about a million emotions.

"Um," Drake says. He's trying to come up with something to say, anything to say will make her go away and never tell his mom and Walter what she saw. He's sure the answer is in his head somewhere, but he can't seem to think of anything right now except, 'go away Megan' and a stream of curse words. Which isn't helpful. Unfortunately, Megan recovers from her shock before he does.

"Ok. You two boobs have a room. You really couldn't have done this there? I'm scarred for life," She says.

"We didn't think anyone was home?" Drake offers. Which isn't actually true. All he'd really known when he'd sat down on the couch was that Josh wasn't home. No one else had really mattered.

"Well now you're going to have pay for my therapy," Megan huffs.

"You don't like, have a camera on you or anything do you?" Josh asks. Drake winces.

"If I had a camera on me would I be this upset?" Megan snaps.

"What?" Josh asks.

"If you're going to burn my eyes out, I should at least be able to blackmail you with pictures, or sell them on the internet, but I can't," she explains.

"I thought you had cameras in every room of the house." Drake says, looking around the room for blinking lights or anything else that might be a camera.

"I had to cut back. Budget issues," Megan says, glaring at Drake.

"Oh. So you're not going to tell anyone right?" Drake asks, looking at his sister.

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"

"Because it would be a mean thing to do?" Josh suggests, but his eyes are closed when he says it, and Drake knows they both have the same creeping doomed feeling right now.

"I don't know. What if I think you two need help? That this is cry for a attention? That telling on you would be for your own good? What kind of sister would I be if I didn't help you?" Megan says, an evil grin on her features.

"Megan!" Drake snaps.

"Come on Megs. Don't do this," Josh says.

"But I want to help. You two have a problem." Megan says, crossing her arms over her chest. Drake sighs and looks at Josh, who blushes again, then looks at Megan.

"What do you want?" He asks.

"To erase the last five minutes of my life," She says, shuddering.

"Seriously Megan, what do you want?" Drakes asks. Megan raises her eyebrows, looking thoughtful.

"I don't know yet." She says, "But it's going to have to be huge."

"We know," Josh says.

"And part of it has to include you two idiots promising not to make out in the living room anymore."

"Not a problem," Josh says and Drake nods in agreement.

"My eyes can't take it," Megan says, her evil smile looking almost affectionate, just for a second.

"We promise," The boys say together, making Megan roll her eyes.

"Now get out of here. Janie's coming over, and she does not need to see this," Megan says. Drake jumps up and off of Josh's lap. Josh gets up a little slower, picking up his oxford as he stands.

"You're sure you don't have a camera in here?" He asks.

"If I had one. I'd tell you. Believe me." Megan says.

"I believe her dude, she'd be already have run off to upload the pictures to the net if she had them," Drake says. Josh nods.

"I will be leaving you a list of demands," Megan says, "A long one."

"We're looking forward to them," Drake says, then he grins and tugs on Josh's arm, pulling him through the kitchen, up to the stairs, and into their room.


	14. Dangerous Levels of you

**Disclaimer: **Still not even a little bit mine.

**Summary/**

**Author's Note: **Josh wishes Drake good luck before his second show in LA. Mindy delivers some news.

There is a part of this chapter I've been planning for months, and then there is smut. Which I was never planning on. At all. Really, I was going to make a nice little one line mention. That was going to be it, but then Drake seemed to think you would want details. He's pushy like that.

* * *

Drake's even more excited about his second show in LA than his first one. He has two new songs ready, and his last few band rehearsals have gone really, really well. Plus, he hasn't been fighting with Josh, he's been kissing Josh and cuddling with Josh and just being with Josh, and that makes everything seem more exciting. The past few weeks have been some of the best Drake can remember, even if they have included all of Megan's chores(and a few other Megan dictated tasks he'd really rather not think about), and Drake has a feeling that tonight's show is going to make them better. They've have just finished unloading the van when Josh grabs his arm and pulls him behind the club.

"What's up?" Drake asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I just thought I'd uh-" Josh stops and grins nervously, then leans in towards Drake, "wish you luck?" He finishes, kissing Drake softly. Drake grins and throws an arm around Josh's neck, pulling him down closer. Josh takes a few steps back pressing Drake against the back wall of the club, and Drake's skin actually tingles. Josh breaking rules or blowing off responsibilities is always really awesome. Josh breaking rules and not doing stuff so that the two of them can make out? Drake thinks that might be the most awesome thing in the history of the world. He smiles against Josh's mouth again, and then their mouths are opening, and Josh's hands are traveling down so that his fingers can hook in Drake's belt loops, and then their hips are pulled together and Drake's hands are working their way under Josh's shirt-

And then Josh pulls away a little and takes a deep breath. He gives Drake a shaky smile, and then he's kissing Drake again before Drake really has a chance to wonder what the pulling away and the deep breath where about. He figures it out a few seconds later when Josh's hands move away from Drake's belt loops and towards his belt buckle. Josh's hands shake as he works to undo Drake's buckle and then the buttons on his jeans and Drake sucks in a sharp breath when Josh gets to his zipper because this very new. He thinks he should probably say something, or ask something, but then his jeans are down a little further, and one of Josh's hand is dipping into his boxers and, _god,_ he's not sure he can form words anymore.

"Josh... what?" He manages to say, breathing heavy and pulling out of their kiss. Josh's hand stops moving, and Drake has to bite his tongue to keep from whimpering.

"I-" Josh starts, then he blushes, "I told you. I wanted to wish you luck," He says. Drake gapes at him for a second, trying to will himself not to rock his hips up into Josh's hand.

"Oh." He says, and ok, maybe his hips do shift up a little as he says it. Just a little.

"Unless you don't want me to?" Josh asks, but he kind of smirk as he says it, and he lets the hand in Drake's boxers move a little further south.

"Luck is good," Drake hisses. Josh grins, and then wraps his hand around Drake, and moves it up and down and-_fuck_. Drake's done this about a million times before, but Josh's hand is like, amazing, possibly just because it's _Josh's_ hand, and Drake has to shut his eyes and lean his head against the wall and he's pretty sure this isn't going to take very long at all. He digs his fingers into Josh's skin and takes quick shuddery breathes and he's right, it doesn't take very long. He lets up a gasp and then Josh's name and then another gasp, and he shakes so much he's honestly surprised he doesn't just fall over and sink to the ground. He's surprised he doesn't just melt away.

When he opens his eyes again, he finds Josh blushing but looking pleased with himself. He pulls a tissue out of his back pocket and hands it to Drake, turner even redder as he does. Drake grins,

"Wow," He says, cleaning himself up a little and then tugging his boxers and his jeans back up.

"Yeah?" Josh asks, looking down and grinning, "I mean, I wasn't sure, but I figured I could handle it," He says, and Drake smirks.

"Handle." He repeats, raising his eyebrows and laughing.

"Oh shut up," Josh says, grinning.

"Okay," Drake agrees, leaning up to kiss Josh again, an idea forming in his head, "You know," he says, pulling back and grinning, "I'm pretty sure it's only lucky if I pay you back."

"You don't-" Josh gets out, before Drake puts a hand on his mouth and smirks at him.

"I know. But I'm gonna." He says. He moves his hand away from Josh's mouth and down to his belt, and Josh gulps, which makes Drake's smirk broader. He tugs Josh jeans down and puts an experimental hand over Josh's boxers, pleased at just how ready for this Josh clearly is. Then, because he doesn't like to be outdone, and because he's been curious, he kneels down in front of Josh, pulling Josh's boxers down with him. Josh says something from above him, something he thinks might be his name, and Drake responds by moving his hand first, just holding onto Josh for a second, enjoying the low gasping sound Josh makes. He takes a deep breath and then moves his mouth then, taking a few tentative licks, and when Josh's whole body shakes, Drake decides that yeah, he can totally do this. He's been on the receiving end enough times to have figured out the basics, and a trick or two. He doesn't get as far as any of the tricks though, because by the time he's set up a rhythm, Josh is grabbing his shoulder and stuttering and his hips are jerking.

"Drake- I- Drake-" Josh manages, and Drake moves his head back and watches Josh fall apart. It's probably one of the best things he's ever seen in his life.

"How'd I do?" He asks, standing up. Josh opens his eyes, wider than Drake has ever seen them, and nods.

"Awesome," He says, his breathing still heavy.

"Cool," Drake says, "so tonight's show should be awesome. Right?"

"Well, you do have all this luck on your side now," Josh says, pulling another tissue out of his back pocket.

"Plus, I'm already amazing." Drake says, smiling and stepping back towards the wall, then sitting down and leaning against it. He motions for Josh to join him.

"Very true," Josh agrees, buckling his belt and then sitting down next to Drake.

"I know," Drake says, leaning into Josh.

"You know, we probably shouldn't sit like this. You're going to get your jeans all dirty, and you have a show to do," Josh says, putting an arm around Drake and pulling him in even closer.

"You're the one who pulled me back here."

"Plus, your band is going to wonder what happened to you," Josh says, ignoring Drake's comment.

"They'll be fine," Drake says, leaning his head against Josh's shoulder.

"You think?"

"Totally," Drake says, then he grins, "You're amazing too." He says. Josh leans over and kisses the top of Drake's head,

"I try," He says.

00000

It's always been good to be Drake Parker, but on stage tonight, singing to a club full of people, Drake thinks all the things that have happened lately must be a fluke, a big, slightly scary, totally awesome fluke. He's pretty sure he's going to say something, or breath, or blink and it's all going to go away. The club is packed. It's full of people who saw him last time, people who couldn't wait to see him again. They're asking about his CD and for autographs, and they're not kids from school or premiere employees or the people on his block. They're not fans just because he's dated most of them, they're fans because they like his songs, and it's so cool that Drake can't stop smiling, beaming really, even when it doesn't go with his lyrics at all. Josh is beaming too, looking proud and happy, the way he always has when Drake plays, only now it's just a little bit different. It's framed in something a little bit stronger than it used to be, and it makes Drake grin so big his face hurts. The applause when his set finishes is loud and echoing. Drake beams again, thanking the crowd enthusiastically, before jumping off stage and almost running to see Josh.

"Awesome," Josh says, pulling Drake into a giant hug, the kind that lifts Drake into the air.

"I know! I love this place!"

"They love you," Josh says, putting Drake down.

"They do, don't they?" Drake asks.

"Dude, you're bouncing again," Josh observes.

"I'm giddy."

"I still think you should do that on your album cover," Josh says, running a hand through Drake's hair. Drake laughs,

"How bout we take a picture of it? Then we could blow it up and stick it on our wall. That would be better."

"I'm not sure-" Josh starts, but Drake cuts him off,

"Or, you could just make me happy all the time," He suggests.

"I can't make a crowd of cheering fans appear in our room."

"You don't need to. I was all giddy before we pulled into the parking lot. The past few hours have just made it better."

"Yeah. I know what you mean," Josh says.

"And you gave me all that good luck, so really. All the giddy is because of you," Drake says.

"Well I am your manager." Josh says, blushing again, "and actually, as your manager, I need to go talk to the owner guy again. I think he wants to book you again."

"Seriously?"

"I told you. They love you here. Which isn't surprising." Josh says, "you should go find Craig and Eric."

"Craig and Eric?" Drake asks, puzzled.

"I told you they were coming."

"Okay," Drake says, shrugging and sort of remembering Josh mentioning somthing like that a few days ago. Maybe. "I'll go talk to them."

"Good," Josh says, looking pleased, "I'll come find you in a few minutes," He finishes, then he pulls Drake into another quick hug before heading off to talk to the owner. Drake tries to go talk to Craig and Eric, he really does, but he never makes it that far, because he's only taken about two steps when he runs into Mindy Crenshaw.

"Hi Drake," She says.

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

"I came to see you play?" Mindy suggests.

"No you didn't," Drake says.

"No. Not really."

"So why are you here?"

"Looking for you," She says.

"I'm pretty sure you know where I live," he says.

"Yes but Megan said you and Josh haven't spent more than 30 seconds without each other in weeks. I have to talk to you."

"Megan?"

"This was all her idea. That girl is an evil genius."

"I've noticed," Drake says dryly, thinking of how many things of the things on her list he and Josh still need to do.

"She tells me she discovered you two in the living room a few weeks ago. Good job."

"Why were you talking to Megan?"

"Because she called me."

"Why?" Drake asks, already a little annoyed with the conversation. Not as annoyed as he would have been a few weeks ago, but still, he wishes she'd just say what she came to say.

"Because you two need help."

"Will you just tell me why you're here?" He snaps.

"No," Mindy says, smirking.

"No?"

"First, I'm going to need you to tell me I was right."

"Right about what?" He asks, even though he knows exactly what she means.

"I think you know Drake," She says, smiling sadly. He sighs,

"Fine. You were right," He admits.

"I know," She says, "Thank you."

"So, why are you here?"

"Megan tells me you're still being an idiot."

"What?" He asks.

"Megan says you've been making all sorts of sad comments about how you don't know what you'll do when Josh leaves for college. She said it's pathetic," Mindy says, and Drake's stomach tightens.

"So?"

"So, I did some research. Then I called Spin City," She says.

"What? Why?" Drake asks, totally lost.

"They'd be perfectly happy to have you record out of New York."

"What?"

"Your album? You can record it in New York, and then you wouldn't have to be 2,874 miles away from each other."

"New York," Drake repeats, staring at her.

"Yes."

"But-" Drake starts, then stops, unable to explain to Mindy that going to New York with Josh is both the most obvious, and yet the most terrifying possibility he's ever heard, "Why would Spin City talk to _you_ about me?" He asks instead.

"I told them I was your assistant, and since I had your social security number and all sorts of personal information about you, they believed me."

"How did you-" He starts to ask, then stops, "Megan?"

"Megan." Mindy confirms.

"Oh." Drake says, "why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would Megan have you call Spin City?"

"Something about her voice disguiser malfunctioning? That and she said she wants you both out of the house, and she wants you to stop whining. Plus, I think the idea of me telling you made her laugh. Oh, and because she cares. In her own way." Mindy says.

"Okay. Why'd you do it?"

"Because you make Josh happy. Happier than I ever could," She says, and Drake actually feels bad for her.

"I'm sorry," Drake says, because he's not sure what else to say.

"For what?"

"You said before that you always felt like had to compete with me. Like Josh always put me first. I didn't do it on purpose. I wasn't trying to compete with you." Drake says

"I know you weren't," She says, giving him a real smile.

"You should talk to Josh," He says.

"I was planning on it."

"Good," Drake says, and weirdly, he means it.

"I'm going to find him now. Do you want me to mention the New York thing? Or should I let you do it?" She asks.

"No, I'll tell him later, after I think about it."

"You have to think about it?" She asks, eyebrows raised.

"Sort of. It is big deal." He says truthfully. It's not that he doesn't want to be with Josh, or that going to New York wouldn't be awesome, it's just that Drake's not all that sure it's really that easy. It's better than the idea of Josh being far away, but something about it is still really, really scary.

"I guess," She says, "but I'm pretty sure Megan's adding it on to her list."

"Not surprising," Drake says, shaking his head.

"Yeah. So, I'm going to go" Mindy says awkwardly, staring to turn away.

"Hey," Drake calls, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," She says, turning back and smiling again, "you know, you actually are pretty good," she says, gesturing towards the stage.

"Thank," He repeats, grinning.

"I still don't really like you," She says.

"It's ok. I still don't really like you either." He says.

"Ok. Good." She says, still smiling.

"Josh is watching us," Drake reports. He's just seen Josh over Mindy's shoulder, watching them and looking adorably confused.

"How confused does he look?"

"Very."

"I'm going." Mindy says, turning away for real this time and heading towards Josh. Drake watches her go, and then has about four seconds to think about New York again before he's mobbed by some of his new fans. He never does find Craig and Eric.


	15. Golden Days

**Disclaimer**: 15 chapters later, and I still don't own them.

**Author's Note**: The boys paint Megan's room and come to some decisions.

This is the end. There will probably be an epilogue soon, but the story is over. Huge thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed this fic, I love you all.

* * *

There are eight different shades of pink in Megan's decorating scheme. Eight. Josh hadn't even known there were eight different shades of pink, but now he's surrounded by them, in pillows and lamp shades and the cans of paint he and Drake purchased earlier that morning. Megan is at camp for the week, and number 46 on her list of demands is that her room be completely repainted by the time she gets home. They probably should have started painting on Monday, but Drake had somehow convinced Josh to put off until today. Actually, Drake had tried to put it off this morning too, but then Josh had reminded him that Megan would be home in less than 36 hours.

That had been enough to get Drake out of bed, although he'd pouted the whole way to the hardware store. Josh hadn't really wanted to get out bed either, especially since Drake was in bed with him, but he really didn't want Megan to get mad and follow through on her threat. The past few weeks have been amazing, and Josh is more than willing to make a few sacrifices to keep them that way. Things have been so amazing that Josh can't seem to stop smiling no matter where he is. People keep noticing and questioning him, and even though he can't tell most of them the reason why, just being asked makes his smile brighter. Craig and Eric keep reminding him they knew all along, sometimes breaking into song and dance as they repeat how right they were. They've even done their little, 'we told you' dance in front of Drake, which worried Josh a little the first time, but Drake had just rolled his eyes and grinned. Drake doesn't seem to mind at all that Josh told Craig and Eric so much about their problems. In fact, when Josh had confided in Drake that Craig and Eric were a couple, Drake had raised an eyebrow and said something about being sure everyone knew that already.

Overall, Drake has been pretty amazing about all of this. Josh thinks it probably could be a lot more awkward, that it probably should be a lot more awkward, but somehow it's been fairly easy. Even moments that are a little awkward and things that are a little less easy haven't really mattered, because it's just so good. Josh had been so afraid he'd loose Drake, so afraid they'd loose things, but they keeps getting more, they keep gaining. It just keeps getting better, and Josh loves every minute of it. The only hitch so far has been Drake refusing to hang out with Thornton, no matter how many times Josh asks. Drake keeps saying he still doesn't really like Thornton, and that it would be weird, and that he just doesn't want to. Josh really wishes he'd change his mind, he still thinks Drake and Thornton could be friends if they really talked. Still, if Drake refusing to get a cup of coffee with someone is their biggest problem, Josh figures they're doing pretty damn good. Well, ok, so their biggest problem is actually the whole, 'there will be an entire country between us in a month,' thing, but Josh doesn't like to think about that one. He figures a month is still a pretty long time, enough time for them to do all sorts of things, including hanging out with Thornton, and painting Megan's room.

Megan's room looks like it might take a month to finish, she's left them instructions complete with a diagram that looks like a paint-by-number picture, and a list of twenty different rules. Josh tells himself it could worse, a lot worse, and grins as he pries the lid off the last can of paint.

"I can't tell these colors apart," Drake complains, glaring at Megan's instructions and then at the paint brush in his hand.

"There are labels on the side," Josh points out.

"This is a lot of work," Drake says, sighing.

"And a lot of pink," Josh adds, pinking up the can of coral and setting to work on the top of Megan's nightstand.

"So why are we doing this?"

"Because we agreed to do whatever Megan wanted," Josh reminds him.

"Oh yeah," Drake says, grimacing as he starts to apply the rose color to the legs of Megan's desk.

"And actually, it could be a lot worse. I mean considering it's Megan, this isn't so bad."

"I guess not."

"I mean, we could be running drugs into Mexico at gun point. We got off easy," Josh says and Drake smirks.

"I'm not sure she'd trust us with that." He says.

"Probably not," Josh agrees, "I'm surprised she even trusts us in her room."

"She doesn't. Those instructions say, 'don't make out in my room' about a million times." Drake says, and Josh smiles like he always does when he thinks about kissing Drake.

"Oh yeah," He says.

"We're going to have to take a lot of breaks," Drake remarks, turning his head to look at Josh.

"What?"

"Making out breaks. In our room," Drake says, smirking. "Dude, you have paint in your hair," He adds, smirk growing broader. Josh groans and runs a hand through his hair, even though he's sure it won't do any good. Then he notices a splotch of pink on Drake's t-shirt and grins.

"You have paint on your shirt," He points out. Drake looks down and rolls his eyes, then he stands up, pulls his shirt off, and throws it into the hall.

"That's better," He says.

"Yes, because that's not at all distracting," Josh says, letting his eyes roam Drake's chest for a minute before blushing and looking down. He's already picturing the paint spots he's sure will be decorating Drake soon, paint over pale skin and freckles, paint in places Josh's hands have roamed over and over again in the past few weeks, paint on skin he already thinks is a work of art.

"I like that shirt."

"I told you to wear an old shirt. I offered to lend you a shirt," Josh reminds him.

"I like my plan better," Drake says. He grins and walks towards Josh, tugging on his t-shirt when he reaches him, "You should try it."

"Are you trying to get us killed?" Josh asks, tightening his grip on the paintbrush in his hand. Anything to remind him they're in the middle of Megan's room and to keep him from reaching out and pulling Drake into him.

"I just think we should be... equally distracted," Drake says, trying to look innocent.

"Ok, one you're always distracted and two, dude, Megan really will kill us." Josh says, rolling his eyes.

"I am not always distracted," Drake says, putting a hand under Josh's shirt, "Sometimes I'm _very _focused."

"We're supposed to be painting."

"We don't need shirts to paint," Drake says, tracing circles around Josh's navel and staring up at him from under his hair, eyes big.

"We are in Megan's room!" Josh says, but he's already setting the paint brush down on the nightstand.

"She'll never know."

"She could have cameras," Josh says, even as he helps Drake pull the shirt over his head.

"You worry too much," Drake says, grinning. He leans up and kisses Josh lightly, then walks away and throws Josh's shirt on top of his own in the hallway. "Come on dude, we have work to do," He says, kneeling back down to continue painting, still smirking.

"You-" Josh starts, then shakes his head and stops. He steals one more glance at Drake's shoulder blades before turning his attention back to Megan's nightstand, deciding to paint as much as possible before Drake thinks of some other way to distract him. They paint in silence for a while, humming along to songs on the radio and sometimes muttering Megan's name under their breaths. Josh has finished the nightstand and is working on the window frames when Drake speaks again.

"Um, Megan added something else to her list before she left," He says. He sounds a little nervous and Josh isn't sure why.

"I didn't see anything new."

"It was kind of a Drake only thing," Drake says, and Josh turns to look at him. Drake is painting Megan's door, staring at it a little too hard.

"A Drake only thing?" Josh repeats.

"Yeah."

"And you need my help with it?"

"No," Drake says, still staring at the door, "Well. Not really."

"Not really?" Josh asks, still totally confused.

"It's about New York," Drake says.

"What?"

"She wants me, to talk to you, about New York," Drake says, as if that helps at all.

"What about New York?" Josh asks.

"She wants me to go with you," Drake says, glancing at Josh quickly, then staring at the door again. Josh puts the paint brush down, and takes a few steps towards Drake, stopping the middle of the room.

"To New York?" He asks stupidly. He's pretty sure he has this dream several times a week, although the shirtless and painting Megan's room thing is a new twist.

"Yeah," Drake says.

"You have an album to record," Josh says. Drake takes a deep breath and steps out from behind the door a little, dropping his paint brush down onto the old sheets Josh had insisted they spread over the floor.

"I can do it in New York," Drake says, and for the millionth time that summer, Josh doubt his own intelligence, because of course Drake can.

"Oh. Right," He says, wondering why he didn't think of this earlier, "and Spin City would be cool with that?"

"Apparently. Mindy said they were and when I-"

"Mindy?" Josh asks, cutting Drake off.

"Yeah. Megan had Mindy call them because, you know, she's Megan." Drake says, and Josh has a flash of Drake and Mindy talking at the show last weekend.

"Is that what you and Mindy were talking about up in L.A.?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"So, why did it take you week to tell me about this?" Josh asks, and Drake winces a little.

"I- I was thinking about it," He says, "It's a big deal, dude." He finishes, looking at the ground. Josh raises his eyebrows,

"Mindy came up to you and gave you an easy solution to a problem, and you thought about it for a week?"

"It's not easy," Drake says, frowning, "You- you think it's a good idea?"

"We've been talking about how much it will suck when we're apart for like, the past two years," Josh says.

"I know, but-" Drake stops and shrugs.

"But what?" Josh asks.

"Can we do that?" Drake asks.

"Do what?"

"You and me, in New York? That's like, real. It's big and scary and I-" Drake trails off again, and Josh's heart sinks down into his stomach.

"I thought this was pretty real already," He says.

"That's the problem," Drake says, staring at the floor again. Josh wonders if he should have seen this coming, if maybe this was all a game for Drake, and now it's over. He wonders why he thought he'd be different from the hundreds of girls Drake's gone through, why he thought Drake would stick with him through the hard stuff. Then he looks at Drake again, and he remembers exactly why.

"Are you suggesting we go to New York together or are you ending things?" Josh asks, unable to keep a note of panic out of his voice. Drake looks up instantly,

"I'm not ending anything," He says quickly. "That's not what I meant."

"That's what it sounded like," Josh says.

"No, it's just," Drake sighs again, then he walks over to Josh and tugs on his arm, sitting down and taking Josh with him, "we've been roommates for years right? And then we were best friends for years, and now we're," Drake stops and bites his lip thoughtfully, "More. A lot more, and if we move to New York, together, then it's like-" He stops again and fixes his eyes on Josh's face. His eyes are hopeful and scared and trusting, and suddenly Josh gets it.

"It is scary," He says, because it is, "we could, we probably should, do things on our own, but we keep doing things together. I'd rather we did them together," Josh admits.

"We're always together," Drake says, "and I hate it when we're not."

"Me too."

"I don't want us to be far apart," Drake says.

"I know," Josh says, and he wants to add that he knows what Drake is scared of. He wants to say that he knows that if they go to New York together, it will pretty much make them everything to each other. He wants to say Drake has been everything for a really long time now and that this wouldn't change things all that much. He wants to say he gets that it's harder for Drake, he really does. He doesn't say any of it though, he just puts an arm around Drake and kisses the top of his head.

"I'm not good at needing people," Drake says, leaning into Josh.

"I know," Josh repeats, then he smiles a little, a thought occurring to him, "You know, even if we went to New York together, we'd still be further apart than we've been in four years. I'm sure Spin City could help you find an apartment, but I have a dorm to move in to. A roommate to meet. I have to live in the dorms for at least two years."

"So we'd still have to be by ourselves a lot," Drake says, looking thoughtful.

"Right, only there wouldn't be an entire country between us."

"We'd live in different places though. We wouldn't sleep in the same room."

"Which will be weird no matter what," Josh says.

"We could like, go on dates," Drake says, grinning.

"We could talk on the phone everyday without worrying about the time zones."

"You could sleep over on the weekends if your roommate turns out to be a freak."

"Can I sleep over even if he's not?" Josh asks playfully.

"Maybe," Drake says smirking and leaning over to kiss Josh.

"I think we could do it," Josh says when they pull back. Drake nods.

"I think so too," He says, and Josh's pulse speeds up.

"Yeah?" Josh asks.

"Yeah," Drake echoes, snuggling in closer. Josh smiles,

"It's like the _Wizard Of Oz_," He says after a minute.

"What?"

"We had the power the whole time. We just had to figure it out for ourselves."

"Dude, what are you talking about?" Drake asks, looking up at him.

"_The Wizard of Oz_, Dorothy had the power to go home the whole time she was in Oz, only she wasn't ready to use it until the very end. We could have kissed and talked about things and figured out you could come to New York months ago, but we weren't ready." Josh finishes, pleased with his analogy. Drake raises his eyebrows,

"That's the dorkiest thing I've ever heard." He says, grinning.

"It makes perfect sense!"

"Not really," Drake says.

"It does!"

"Sure it does. And maybe we can just pop ourselves to New York with magical sparkly red shoes!" Drake says, voiced laced with fake enthusiasm.

"Ruby slippers Drake, they were ruby slippers," Josh says, then he grins, "Maybe we could just use your hair. Tap some strands together three times."

"I do have amazing hair."

"It could be magical. We should try." Josh says, running his hand through Drake's hair as he speaks.

"I'm pretty sure we'd know that already," Drake says, smiling.

"True," Josh says. Then he kisses Drake's forehead and grins, "So did we decide you're coming to New York?"

"Yeah. I think we did."

"Awesome," Josh says, leaning down to kiss Drake again. They kiss for a long minute, scooting even closer to each other on Megan's floor as they do. Josh runs his hands up and down Drake's back, very glad Drake decided they ought to be shirtless. "We're breaking Megan's rules," Josh says when they pull apart for a minute. Drake grins and leans his forehead against Josh's.

"She'll get over it," He says, "She is getting rid of both of us in a month."

"Very true," Josh says, putting a hand on the back of Drake's neck.

"And besides," Drake says, kissing Josh again, slowly, "She'll never know."

"As long as we finish this room in time," Josh says.

"We will," Drake says, shifting so that he is on Josh's lap. "You have paint all over you," He reports, touching spots with his fingers. Josh shivers,

"So do you," He says, smiling. He pulls Drake in, kissing him again. They'll finish Megan's room later. He'll make sure they do, but right now, he needs to keep kissing Drake. Right now he needs to see if the paint has made new lines for him to trace on Drake's body. Right now they need to celebrate figuring things out. Right now, sitting on the floor in Megan's room, surrounded by paint cans, feels like a new beginning, and Josh wants them to have the best start possible.

* * *

Thank you again to everyone who has read and reviewed so far. Every review has made me smile and warmed my heart! Thank you so much for sticking with me all these months.


	16. Epilogue

**Disclaimer:** Still not even a little bit mine.

**Summary/Author's Note**: The boy's first year in New York.

Halfway through writing this, I remembered why this I don't normally write things this way. I really hope it works. Katie promised me, over and over again, that's it not terrible. I decided to trust her.

* * *

**August**

Thornton offers to buy them a going away dinner at BF Wangs and Drake finally gives into Josh's begging and agrees to go. The restaurant is so dark they can hardly see one another, and the food is amazing, and the conversation is awkward and stilted until they're interrupted by Mrs. Hayfer. She walks right over to their table and wishes Josh good luck at school and reminds Drake that she hates him. Drake is about to open his mouth to reply, when Thornton jumps in and tells her off. Drake is too stunned to catch it all, but it's something about her being bitter and old and taking her anger out on teenagers and Thornton's parents donating lots of money to the school, and how he's sure they wouldn't appreciate hearing about this, and it is really, really awesome.

"See?" Josh says, after Mrs. Hayfer stomps away from their table, cursing under her breath. "I told you he was cool."

'Very cool," Drake agrees, grinning at Thornton.

"She had it coming," Thornton says. "I mean coming up to us at dinner and being a bitch to Drake? What's up with that?"

"That's kinda her thing. I'm sure she couldn't resist insulting me one more time," Drake explains.

"Maybe she should get some therapy for that," Thornton says, smirking. Josh laughs and squeezes Drake's knee under the table, and then the three of them launch into a long conversation about why Mrs. Hayfer is terrible, and awful and unfit to teach. By the time their check comes Drake is offering to send Thornton a copy of his first album and the boys are planning to have dinner again when Drake and Josh are back in San Diego.

**September**

The semester is three weeks old by the time Josh manages to get a good night's sleep in his new dorm room. The first few weeks everything is just too new, and he's too excited and jittery, and the noises are too weird, and he can't sleep. The noises take the most adjustment. It's not just that the dorm is louder than home, although it is, it's that the sound of his roommate's breathing drives Josh crazy. Caleb is pretty cool, he's quiet and responsible and Josh really likes him, but for the first few weeks his breathing at night seems to echo in the little room, simply because it's not Drake's breathing. Josh is sure his roommate's breathing should be the last thing on his mind while he's starting a new life in a new city, but he can't seem to shut it out. Drake talks in his sleep, he mutters and mumbles and sometimes he sighs and Josh isn't sure when all those sounds had become some sort of weird lullaby to him, it's not something he ever thought about home, but now that he doesn't hear them it's almost impossible to fall asleep. Now, every breath Caleb takes reminds Josh how far away from home he is, reminds him of the fact that Drake is a fifteen minute subway ride away. It's not that far, but it's so much farther then the five steps Josh is used to that it just feels wrong. So wrong that he tosses and turns, and tries to close his eyes and imagine he's at home, but then Caleb takes a deep breath and it ruins the illusion and Josh is wide awake again.

Eventually he adjusts, eventually the need to get a good night's sleep wins out over everything else, and he stops hearing Caleb's breathing at all. Still, he sleeps better when he stays at Drake's apartment.

**October**

Drake finishes his album on his 19th birthday. He thinks it has to be a good sign.

"I think it's lucky," he says to Josh for about the millionth time that night. They're sitting in Drake's apartment, eating the Birthday dinner Josh had insisted on making, "I mean, I got done a week ahead of schedule, and on my birthday."

"When are you not lucky?" Josh asks, smiling but sounding a little wary.

"Seriously dude, don't you think it's like, a good omen?" Drake asks.

"I guess."

"What do you mean you guess? It's lucky!" Drake insists. Josh has been unenthusiastic about the whole luck thing, and Drake can't figure out why.

"It's just-" Josh shrugs, "You don't need luck, Drake." He smiles when he says it, and then he goes into one of his Josh speeches about how awesome and talented Drake is, and Drake decides Josh is right. He doesn't need luck, or omens, he has Josh.

**November**

The boys have their first real New York fight the second week in November, the same week the first single from Drake's album enters the Billboard Top 100. The fight is loud, with yelling and swearing, and doors slamming and by the time Josh gets back to his dorm he barely even remembers what they were fighting about. He just knows he's still hurt and angry. He stays mad for three whole days. Three long days over which Josh snaps at several people, including his roommate and several new friends. Josh feels bad about it instantly, but fighting with Drake has always made him a little tense, and it's even worse now. Drake calls him at end of the third day, all apologies and "can you come over tonights?" and Josh is on his way to the subway before he even hangs up the phone, early classes be damned.

Drake is freshly showered when Josh arrives, he's somehow smirking and beaming at the same time, and the first thing he says after they pull back from a long hug is,

"So, I've heard really awesome things about makeup sex."

**December**

Drake is out of town, promoting his album, during finals week. Josh tells himself it's a good thing, that he needs the extra time to study anyway, but it doesn't keep him from being lonely and distracted all week. He spends as much time in the library as possible, trying to block out anything that reminds him of Drake. It's a little hard to do, since the google alert Josh has set keeps popping up with articles linking Drake to random models and starlets. Drake seems to be asked about his love life more than his album, and every time a new gossip blog post comes up Josh is tempted to throw his laptop across the room. He understands, he really does, it's not like Drake can say,

"Well actually, I'm involved with my stepbrother." He has to smile and give vague answers and appear free and unattached. It's all part of the deal. Josh knows that, but knowing doesn't stop the sick feeling he gets in his stomach every time he reads a new rumor.

**January **

Grammy has the entire Parker-Nichols family over for dinner on New Year's Day. She spends most of the meal asking Josh about Columbia; how his first semester went, if he likes his roommate, if he has a lot of new friends, if he's picked a major. Josh glows a little when he talks about Columbia, the way he used to glow in high school when anyone asked him about the Science Fair or one of his honors classes and if it were anyone but Josh, Drake would find it all horribly boring and dorky. Josh's enthusiasm is kind of cute though, and Drake doesn't mind listening.

She turns her attention to Drake over desert, calling him a "big shot rock star," and mentioning that her friends keep asking about him. She mentions how proud she is, and then it's Drake's turn to glow.

"So," she says raising her eyebrows, "I guess a superstar like you gets a lot of ladies." Megan giggles and everyone turns to look at her. Drake wonders how obvious it would be if he kicked her under the table.

"Drake's not a superstar," She says, rolling her eyes.

"He will be," Josh puts in, looking as relieved as Drake feels.

"Yeah. Ok." Megan says, "You keep telling yourself that."

"Actually," Drake says, looking back at Grammy, "I've kind of been spending most of time with someone special in New York." He knows he probably could have let the question go, he doubts anyone would have gone back to it after Megan's comment, but he kind feels like he should say it. For Josh.

"Good for you sweetie," His mom says, smiling at him from down the table, and Drake braces himself for awkward questions about who the lucky girl is, and if Josh knows her, but none come. His mom just smiles, and Walter cuts himself another slice of cake, and Megan smirks, and Grammy nods approvingly, and Josh grabs his hand under the table and squeezes.

"That's what I like to hear," Grammy says.

**February**

Somehow, Drake gets drunker than Josh on Josh's birthday.

"It's my birthday," Josh grumbles, pulling Drake down the sidewalk, "Shouldn't you be the one helping me home?"

"You're the responsible one Joshie," Drake says into Josh's neck.

"But it's my Birthday," Josh complains. Drake stops walking.

"Are you... are you mad?" He asks, blinking up at Josh and not quite focusing, "I got you a present, and I bought all the drinks, and the food."

"I'm not mad," Josh says, rolling his eyes.

"You could be drunk too!" Drake says, poking Josh's chest.

"Yes, but then how would we get home?" Josh counters, tugging on Drake's arm to get them walking again.

"You're a funny drunk," Drake says.

"Am I?"

"You sing a lot. You should sing more." Drake rambles.

"I thought we decided a long time ago that we'd leave all the singing to you," Josh says.

"Noooo." Drake says, stumbling a little. Josh pulls him and sighs, glad they only have about 30 feet left until Drake's apartment.

"No?" He asks.

"You should sing," Drake says seriously, "But you have to only sing my songs."

"Yeah?" Josh asks, smiling a little as he fumbles in his pocket for his key to Drake's place.

"Uh huh. Better. Cause they're my songs and you-" Drake stops and sways a little, tightening his grip on Josh's arm, "You are my Josh." He finishes. "Hey! We're home!" He says, smiling at the front door to his building like it's an old friend.

"We are." Josh confirms, a huge grin on his face.

"We should take a shower," Drake suggests, nodding and smiling up at Josh.

"How bout if I just put you to bed?" Josh says, unlocking the door.

"Can we take a shower the morning?"

"Definitely" Josh says, kissing the top of Drake's forehead and leading him up the stairs.

**March**

Drake goes on tour in early spring. It's weird, because in some ways, it's everything he always thought it would be. It's exciting and intoxicating and he feeds himself on the energy of the crowds. He signs CDs and T-shirts and takes pictures with fans who all seem really thrilled to meet him, and it's all really awesome. Some of them want to do more than meet him and that's the weird part, not that they want him, but that he's not even tempted. He doesn't have to tell himself no, it doesn't take self-control, he's just not interested. Honestly, he always pictured himself taking advantage of the groupies thing, hell, he did take advantage of it in high school, but now he's just smiling politely and turning them all down. It's not very rock star, and it's not very Drake Parker, but he doesn't care. He just goes back to whatever hotel he's staying in that night and calls Josh, and it's all he needs.

**April**

They don't get out of bed the entire weekend Drake returns home from tour. Josh keeps trying to suggest they get up and go out to dinner, or see a movie, or do something, but then Drake pulls him down into another kiss, and another and then he moves his hands more and rolls his hips and, well, Josh didn't really want to get out of bed anyway. Not when he has miles of skin to explore, not when he needs to rediscover all the places on Drake's body he's missed desperately over the past six weeks. Not when Drake's hands are traveling his body and it's all hot and desperate and needy and wanting. Make up sex was amazing, but Josh is pretty sure reunion sex is better.

**May**

Drake and Josh get home in time for Megan's sixteenth birthday, and she actually looks happy to see them when they arrive. She lets them hug her, and in the two days leading up to her party, she only pulls five pranks on them, which has to be a record of some sort. Her party is a huge blow out at the Brew Note, and all several of her friends fawn and scream and beg Drake for autographs. He signs them all, hoping Megan won't kill him for taking attention away from her at her own party. He's surprised when Josh pulls him aside an hour into the party and tells him Megan has a request.

"Ok, you're not going to believe this, but Megan just asked me if you'd play a couple of songs," Josh says.

"Seriously?" Drake asks.

"Yeah, her friends like your music and I guess she told them you would."

"Megan?" Drake asks, still stunned. Josh laughs and nods,

"Yup. She said having a celebrity in the family should have perks. Oh and also that we still owe her," He explains. Drake laughs,

"Go ask her if they have any special requests." He says. An hour later he's played ten songs to loud cheers, and dedicated them to his baby sister, and Megan is actually smiling at him, and standing with Josh, and Drake grins back and thinks maybe he was wrong. He'd always been kind of afraid that Megan would get more evil as time went on, but tonight it seems like growing up is actually softening her. He shares the speculation with Josh later, and Josh grins and suggests they throw their own party to celebrate the change. Megan being less evil is a big deal.

She locks them in the bathroom for a few hours the next morning and doesn't let them out until Drake promises to get her about ten different autographs.

**June**

Being home is nice, but Drake is restless. Not for the road, but for New York. He likes New York, likes the upper West side. He likes Josh's school friends. He likes that none of them seem to care that his second single was the third most downloaded song on peartunes for an entire week in May. He likes that none of them seem to care if his favorite place to sit is Josh's lap. At home, all anyone wants to talk about is how he's becoming a big star. They want to know if he's met famous people and what it's like to be on tour, and it's not that he minds talking about it, it's just that sometimes he wants to talk about other things too. Sometimes he gets tired of being a celebrity, tired of everyone telling him they always knew that he'd be a big star. Helen throws him a huge party at The Premiere and everyone gushes over him for hours, and it should be a lot cooler than it is. The only entertaining thing about the night is Crazy Steve, who comes up to Drake and demands to know if they're on TV,

"No," Drake says.

"Well let me know when we are. I've always wanted to be on TV," Steve says.

"We're not going to be on TV tonight." Drake says.

"Well we should be. THE CAMERA LOVES ME!" Steve yells, running away. Sadly, Steve is instantly replaced by an ex-girlfriend who wants to know if any of the songs on Drake's album are about her. He's glad when Josh and Thornton sneak him out of the party hours before it's over.

**July**

Craig and Eric break up over the Fourth of July. It's messy and painful and Josh does his best not get involved, but it's hard when both of them call him three times a day. Eric says Craig is always in bad mood and Craig says Eric doesn't appreciate him and there is a lot of yelling. They drag up years of history and fight over who said what when, and who owns what, and what they're going to do about all the things they share, and it scares Josh. It feels so permanent and so adult. It's like watching a bitter divorce, and it's _Craig and Eric_ and Josh really thought that they'd always be together.

Luckily, it turns out to be one of those occasions when Drake is surprisingly brilliant. Josh comes home, stressed and shaken after hours of trying to help Craig and Eric, to find Drake sitting on the couch in their room, guitar in hand. It's not an unusual site, but the smile Drake gives him when he walks in is brighter than usual, and his eyes are glowing.

"Hey," He says. "I wrote you a song today." He motions for Josh and pats the cushion next to him, and bounces as Josh sits down, looking excited.

"Yeah?" Josh asks, feeling better already.

"Yup," Drake confirms, and then he bites his lip and smiles his nervous smile, a smile no one but Josh ever sees, and he starts to play, and by the time he reaches the chorus, Josh knows they'll be ok.


End file.
